- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
So, my wedding is 9/21/13 – we’ve been engaged for nearly 2 years, so the wedding has always felt like a looooong time away, but now it isn’t anymore.
I have always been overweight. Even in high school when I was a 3 season varsity athlete – I was good at sports, but not thin. About 7 years ago when I was in medical school I did weight watchers and lost about 75 lbs, but then gained it all back plus 10 lbs over the course of several years (a bad relationship, residency, etc – I stopped following the healthy lifestyle plan and low and behold I gained weight).
On 5/30/12 I re-joined weight watchers to try to lose weight for my wedding, figuring I had over a year to do so. I also work out with a trainer once a week and on my own 3-4 times a week in addition (still do). I lost about 30 lbs in 5 or 6 months, then went on vacation in Hawaii for 2 weeks and since then (last November) haven’t really lost or gained anything more.
I bought my dress in January. I love it. When we did the sizing, my bust and hips fit the size 18 size chart, but my waist was a size 20 (1.5 inches too big for a 18). I told them to order the 18 because OF COURSE I’ll lose more weight, I’ve already lost 30 lbs! I thought this would give me motivation to get back on track after that Hawaiian vacation…
Well, my dress is here, first fitting in 2 weeks, and I have not lost more weight. My waist is the exact same size it was then. I tried on my dress a month ago when it first came in, and it looked OK, but the zipper kept getting stuck at one point so we buttoned the top and left the zipper open (the woman assured me there’s plenty of fabric for it to zip, it was just a problem with the zipper itself…). I was just looking at pictures, and I guess I look pretty, but I can remember feeling like I could barely breathe, and looking at the pictures my bust is spilling over, and so is my back fat.
I am just so disappointed in myself. I know I will be a beautiful bride regardless, but I let life derail my good intentions. Between planning this wedding, getting ready to move to a new city and start a new job, buying and selling a house, preparing for a boards exam, and dealing with a dying pet, I just have not been as focused and determined as I was a year ago when I started doing weight watchers again. I’ve been “doing” it, and going to the gym, but very half-assed if I’m honest with myself.
Anyway, sorry this is long, just felt the need to vent here a little, and hopefully get a little support. Here’s a picture of me in my dress with an ill-fitting bra that is not the bra I will be wearing.