(Closed) Feeling like a failure

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Awww… Well since I don’t know you I can’t give you specific advice.. But think of it this way – when everything sucks, the only direction you can go is UP. So try to stay positive! And cry if you want to, but don’t give up.

Post # 4
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry you feel like a failure.  Just because you didn’t get a job doesn’t mean you are a failure.  I have been having problems getting a job too and I’m a college graduate.  The market is tough right now.  Maybe you should talk to someone about how you feel, it will help to get it out.

Post # 5
1565 posts
Bumble bee

Well, I can think of one area you didn’t fail in: finding the person you’ll be spending the rest of your life with. I know many women would give a lot to have that. 

Regarding the other stuff, I think everyone has periods where they feel like everything is going badly. The only thing you can do is make a plan for the future and go for it with the support of your family and friends. Figure out your financial situation and whether college is something you can afford right now. If not, apply to as many jobs as you can – be flexible with what you’re willing to try. About your health, I think you should be able to get down to the bottom of why you gained weight – was your diet too extreme? Did the meds have side effects? Maybe you can see a nutritionist to figure out a good plan going forward. 

Best of luck with everything – I promise you’re not a failure 🙂 

Post # 6
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You are not a failure! You have been involved in higher education for five long years, and even though you don’t have a degree to show for it yet, you have probably learned more though it than a lot of people with diplomas. 

Give yourself some time.  The job, finances, and schooling issues aren’t anything that can be solved in one day.  Take some time for YOU.  Try to express to you Fiance how you’re feeling by applying it to his situation or job, that helps with us sometimes when we’re not seeing eye to eye.  You are not a failure!  Some of the most successful people in this world spent much of their lives getting fired from jobs or rejected by schools or publishers.  Some of the world’s most successful authors had to hunt for years for people to publish their books (including JK Rowling–author of the Harry Potter series!) because people just kept rejecting their work. 

Think of how much you HAVE accomplished thus far in your life. You’re getting married to a great guy, and you have five years of college under your belt, along with I’m sure many other wonderful things. These bumps in the road DO NOT mean that your intellect, social abilities, or whatever are less than other people’s. 

In fact, I think it’s a great sign that you’ve switched majors so many times (as a lot of people have!).  It means you’re not going to settle for one thing that you’re not enthusiastic about, you’re chasing your passions, and that in the long term may or may not lead to more money, but definitely more satisfaction out of your life’s work. 

If school isn’t an option for right now, it might be a great time to explore other things that you’re interested in that only require certain certifications or just a great personality and work ethic. There are tons of things within health care (nurse’s aids, rehabilitation assistants, etc) that pay really well and don’t require any fancy degrees. 

I’ve definitely experienced my own slumps, and can definitely relate to feeling like a failure, especially amidst other people who seem to have it all together!  But I started volunteering with organizations that seemed lovely to me, a kids bereavement support group and a women’s crisis pregnancy center, and that helped me figure out where I wanted to go next. 

Who knows, maybe this “slump” in the educational career will turn out to be a new opportunity to find something that really suits you.  Good luck with everything dear, take time for yourself, and remember that you are infinately valuable as a human being, a loving fiance, and a hard worker! 

Post # 7
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You may not have a degree, but you certainly have an education. Have you considered opening your own business using the skills you have learned? All college teaches you anyway is how to think.

Post # 8
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Even when it’s been crushed and tossed, straightened, then crushed again, then straightened again; a 100$ bill is still worth 100$ and everyone would like to have it. The fact that you are experiencing hardships one after the other does not affect your value as a person or make you a failure.
Often, blessings come in disguise, and the disguise is well done. Stand up and don’t give up on your goals – or re evaluate them, maybe that’s what life’s telling you right now.

Whatever happens, you are totally worthy!

Post # 9
151 posts
Blushing bee

I know how you feel about school!! I have changed my major a few (million) times as well, and feel like I’m never gonna finish. What a pain 🙁 I also understand how you feel about your Fiance. My Fiance doesn’t understand my issues with school either. 

I’m sorry that you are experiencing such frustration, but just keep moving forward. Take whatever classes you can afford to take. If that means you can only take one class per semester then so be it. Every class you take gets you closer to graduation.

Don’t be afraid to cry. A good cry can make a person feel a whole lot better! 


Post # 10
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I had written you a great big long reply last night, then my modem let me down. Grrr. So.

1: Stop hammering yourself about the weight. Stop crazy dieting. Are you not putting yourself under enough pressure right now without that? Eat smaller portions of normal healthy food and get what exercise you can. You’ll be in a better frame of mind in a whil to deal with it in a more structured way. Right now you’re making it a stick to beat yourself with.

2: Your Fiance doesn’t see you as a failure cos you aren’t one. However, us (and him) telling you that prob won’t stop you feeling this way. You do need to sit your man down and explain to him that the way you feel is as real as, or more so, to you than his opinion of how you’re doing. He means well, but I think you need to explain to him that you need to feel he takes you seriously, especially when you’re this upset.

3: Keep applying for a job, any job that you’ve any chance of getting. Getting a job will obv help your self esteem while it’s helping the bills.

4: Sit down and have a good long think about the career plan long term. Are you sure you were in the right stdudy field? If oyu love it, there will be some way to make it work.

Best of luck, and take care of yourself!

Post # 11
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I know who you are and you are a BEAUTIFUL woman. You are a fantastic role model to a little one that I happen to know loves you very much. You are caring, personable, sweet and kind.

It’s ok to change your major. It’s ok to change around your school plans. It happens all the time! Maybe that’s not what you were meant to do. Maybe there’s something out there that’s a million times better than the program that you applied for. You just have to find whatever it is that makes you tick!

Having a good cry can do a lot of help :] so can calling or texting a friend ;]

This is just a bump in the road. Everything will work itself out. 

Chin up! You can do this :] XO.

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