(Closed) Feeling like a sack of garbage – NWR (long!)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t feel bad.  If she is anything like my Future Mother-In-Law she is just a sweet lady and wanted to help out.  

Post # 4
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I wouldn’t worry about it either as it’s your FMIL’s choice – if she didn’t want to do those things of her own free will she wouldn’t have done it. Some mothers are like that, my Future Mother-In-Law included, it’s almost like she does house work without noticing she’s doing it. Wherever she goes she leaves a trail of folded laundry, polished glasses, home made soups, washed walls (yes, seriously) and so on. Sometimes it bugs me but I know she does it because she cares and it makes her feel good, like she’s contributing something to our lives, so I let her do it.

Besides, maybe she got bored waiting around your house for the heating repair man and cleaning up kept her busy?

Post # 5
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Don’t feel bad. I’m a very clean person and I will clean when I’m visiting other people’s houses (not their laundry though! lol). I pick up after my roommates a lot too. It doesn’t bother me a bit and I feel better, like I’ve helped them.

It’s probably the same as if a good cook made you dinner while she was at your house, don’t worry!

I worry the opposite: that people will think I’m some kind of crazy neat freak (whereas your worried fmil thinks you’re messy).

Post # 6
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I wouldn’t worry about it.  That’s what parents do.  They help out their children.  That is how my SO’s mom and dad are.  They will come over to visit and while we are at work they will clean the carpet, do the yard work, clean the cat box, clean the window..ect.  I know it is not because we are dirty people cause we are not.  It’s because they want to help us.  They know we work full time and don’t have time for everything.  I really appreciate them.  They help out so much.  That is probably how your SO’s mom feels.  She only helping knowing you two do not have time for all the details.  Just thank her and feel good that you have family that helps you out. 

Post # 9
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I agree with everyone that you shouldn’t feel bad. Some moms (I mean come on, does anyone’s Dad ever come to your place and clean?) do it to help out, and some do it to be passive aggressive. I think your Mother-In-Law was helping out–she probably knows about your FI’s lack of initiative for cleaning.

That said, even if other tasks don’t get done on a daily basis, you and your Fiance really have to clean up the dog and cat deposits every day, if not multiple times a day. Not only is it super gross, but it’s not healthy for the animals to be stepping in their own deposits. They can track it in the house and just, ew. And are your downstairs neighbors (if you have them) really OK with dog poop being swept off your balcony?

Post # 10
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Don’t feel bad at all! My Future Mother-In-Law can’t help but do those little tidying things. When we first moved in our house was a mess and it was such a relief to have her just toss in a load of laundry for us and come home to a clean kitchen. If she is a nice person, she just wants to help out. I’m sure she didn’t do it for any other reason than just to help you out!

Post # 12
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@sleepingbeauty88: LOL my mother did the same thing to my house once when  I wasn’t there and even did our laundry and wrapped it in ribbons!

At first I felt lke garbage, but I got over it and now my Fiance joke about our laundry being wraped in ribbons like a present.

On the cat litter issue: My Fiance and I have two cats of whom we LOVE, they are our world. I hate to scoop poop and so does my Fiance…so our solution was to get an automatic motion censored litterbox. We went with scoop free one that rakes the poops into a container after the cat gets out (waits 20 minutes) We change the cartridge box thing once every three weeks and never have to scoop poop… Had it for almost three years, couldn’t be happier with  the contraption!

Post # 13
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would also not feel bad about it.. especially if SO doesn’t!  My mom is the same way.. she’ll come over and do all of our laundry (that may or may not have been piled up for the past 2 weeks)!  While I feel kind of (not really) bad that she did it, I also feel so much relief that I don’t have to do it and get a break for once! ๐Ÿ™‚  enjoy it!

Post # 15
Member
4161 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve had a similar experience but with our garden.  I have no idea how to garden and our house had a beautiful garden when we moved in.  One day when I was out, Future Mother-In-Law was over, and her and Fiance did a bunch of gardening, and even cut down part of a tree in the front.  I felt like an idiot that she felt like she had to weed for me, but I said thanks, and made sure to have it weeded before she came over again.

Post # 16
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Not exactly the same thing but my Future Mother-In-Law decided to buy us groceries.. I was LIVID when I came home and found a full refrigerator and homemade burritos in the oven ready to be reheated. It made me feel like she thinks I couldn’t provide for us. That I needed help providing for her son. 

But now that we are on a tight budget, I kinda wish she’d do it again. Haha

Just try not to let it get to you, I wish someone would come clean the dog poop off our back patio.

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