(Closed) sticky situation… what would you do?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

hmmm complicated indeed

First talk to your SO about how you two should move forward with these kind of decisions; I think if he truly is financially independent, then the person who he should be consulting with is you. He should explain that though he respects his fathers suggestions, and his advice, he truly feels that you deserve an economical ring of your own. I would consider the mother’s ring as an option a bit more (ask if maybe you can even change the setting, perhaps? Make it more yours). But if you truly feel like this is a miscommunication on the part of his parents, and something you feel is important enough to take a stance on, I suggest talking to the SO about it, the importance to you, and have him explain to his parents.

Post # 4
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree that you two need to have a discussion about parental involvement and also money matters in general.  Those things are such a big deal later in a relationship so get talking about it now.  I think you should try and spend more time with his family to get to know them better.  I wouldn’t completely write off her engagement ring, but I wouldn’t want to take it if you feel completely weird about it either.

Post # 6
Member
7527 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

How is this any of his father’s business?  If he can’t afford the “dream” ring- that is fine- no big deal, but I would be annoyed that he is involving his dad.  It just sounds like he needs to save up some more, and leave his parents out of it! 

Post # 7
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

You shouldn’t feel awkward about accepting the ring especially if you love it. They wouldn’t have offered if they didn’t want you to take it.

Post # 8
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I definitely think you need to talk to your SO about what’s going on.  I wouldn’t be so concerned about what his father is saying or the ring, but instead why SO is using these excuses on you.  Especially the comment about not being old enough to get married.  Your SO might not be wanting to spend a lot of money on a purchase because maybe he’s questioning whether he’s ready to make that step but doesn’t know how to tell you.  This is what happened to me with an ex.  We’d been together 7 years and were in our late 20s.  He started changing his mind about getting married, but instead of talking directly about his concerns, he would pull back, saying his family needed more time, etc.  Turns out his family was pressuring him to marry me!  I would first check and make sure that is not what’s going on here, especially with your comment that his family doesn’t realize how serious the relationship is…why is that, what has he been telling them?

Assuming that SO really does want to get married and feels ready now, the next question becomes what is his relationship with his dad here?  I understand listening to advice, but if your SO is not capable of making his own choices and saying no to his father, I think that’s something you guys need to figure out now.  I don’t think this is about a ring or money at all.

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