(Closed) Feeling like a teenager again, no idea how to read signs, help?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2020 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

thenewgirl:  how long have you been divorced? Do you feel ready to date someone?

Post # 3
605 posts
Busy bee

Uh… I’m pretty sure he thinks you guys are dating.

When a guy texts you daily to ask how you are and what you’re doing, he’s interested.

But when he’s taking you out for dinner and drinks (where he foots the bill), putting his coat on you and having his arm around you, that means you’re dating.

If you want to just be friends, I would let him know as soon as possible so he doesn’t get his hopes up (although I’m sure he already has). Obviously, you guys are on different pages. 

Post # 4
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

If you don’t want to date him, I’d put a stop to him paying for all your dinners. Friends don’t do that, dates do

Post # 6
2109 posts
Buzzing bee

Sounds like you are dating.

Has he tried to kiss you?

Post # 7
6730 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

MrsKing212: Some friends do.  I’ve got a good one I see rarely who does, though it’d be weird to never say “I’ll foot the bill this time” in return.  In fact, all the folks I’ve hung out with would take turns getting the bill, come to think of it.  

All the same, newgirl, he’s definitely interested.  I’d consider just bringing up a conversation about your life that indicates clearly that you’re not ready to date yet, as if it hadn’t even occurred to you.  Talk about friends who jumped into the field too soon after break ups/divorces.  Talk about your plans for the next year to rejuvinate yourself.  Bring friends along to “hang out” (mention it first so you don’t look like a jerk).  Pay for whatever it is you’re doing every other time you do it or insist on splitting the bills.  Unless he’s an idiot, he’ll get the idea.

Post # 9
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

thenewgirl:  It definitely sounds as though he’s interested! He may just be taking it slowly with you if you’re unsure. If you like him then make that clear. Let him know you’re looking forward to seeing him again, maybe you could offer to take him out? Give him lingering looks and soft smiles.

I hope your new chapter works out well for you!

Post # 11
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

thenewgirl:  Dudes don’t ask chicks out and pay for them and text them everyday just to be friends…

If this was a buddy you ran into suddenly that you used to be friends with for a while, then okay, but some random that just hits you up all the time? Nope, he’s tryna date chuuu

Post # 14
382 posts
Helper bee

You sound a little bit like my younger sister. She is much younger than you (and that I) but she is always getting involved with guys without knowing if she is unintentionally dating them or just friends. So I am going to give you the same advice I always tell her. Hope it helps 🙂

I think what you described can go both ways. He can be someone who is interested in having a romantic relationship with you (maybe even building that relationship) or someone who was raised to believe men should always pay -even with friends and/or family- who is looking for a friendship relationship and who happens to be very attentive (hence, the calls).

Either way, the only way to know is to ask him. You’re old and wise, and as a mature person you should be able to talk and ask about this with him. You don’t need to be too direct or serious, you could just casually let him know that you’re still moving on from your previous relationship. Then, if he asks you if you think you’re ready or something like that, you could just tell him you’re not sure yet. And if he looks disappointed, tell him that you’re sorry if you lead him to think you were dating. Or you could just tell him that even though you love to hang out with him you’re confused as to where are you standing at: are you dating or are this just casual friend meetings? 

I know it might sound weird to just be blant about it, and it might even remove some of “romance” taught by romantic comedies, but I think it proves that you’re a mature person and you’re not fooling around or joking or playing. You actually want to know and you’re not afraid of communicating with another person. You’re not being rude, you’re not being meand and you’re not being less femenine (like some people might think). I think being able to clear things by communication is a sign of assertivity. Also, doesn’t it make things easier to just ask and get an answer? You avoid feeling like you do right now.

Good luck!

Post # 15
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I got in a lot of trouble as a young whippersnapper, with me thinking I was being friendly and guys thinking I was flirting. Seriously, it’s not worth the heartache; if you’re worried enough to ask a bunch of strangers then you know the answer deep down and you need to make sure you set the boundary asap to wherever you want it to be. 🙂

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