(Closed) Feeling like a terrible friend

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I think if she really is a close friend of yours you should let her know your concerns about how volitile her relationship is.  She probably won’t take it well but be gentle  and tell her you that you WILL support any decision she makes, but you just would feel like a bad friend if you weren’t honest with her about your concerns.

As far as the budget issue.. just try really hard not to compare.  Your wedding will be just as special and meaningful as hers is.  I know it’s hard to ignore and to not be jealous of such a huge budget, but just remember there is always someone with a smaller budget than you!

Post # 4
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

First of all, if she is a real friend she will be respectful of the budget issue and not rub it in your face while you are both planning. I am a $100K+ bride myself and I am extremely cautious about talking numbers or anything that screams ‘expensive’ to friends, family and other brides around me. YOu don’t need me to tell you that your wedding will most likely be a lot more meaningful if your relationship is more intact!

Second, if you have real concerns you might want to discuss them with her in a private and calm setting. Just check in with her as a friend and make sure she’s doing what will make her happy. Nothing wrong with that, but dont’ say anything about hwo you don’t think they should get married! Just quote her, I’m sure she’s said things recently about wanting to break up.

Seriously, don’t worry about the budget issue! All that matters about your wedding is you and your husband, everything else is window dressing. If the bride and groom are happy on their wedding day, guests are happy. Bottom line!

Post # 5
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think just the fact that you recognize that your jealousy over her budget is not a good thing – is a good thing!  You are human, girl!  And whether we all like it or not, weddings are somewhat competitve by nature.  I mean, why else would we all spend so much time on wedding blogs getting ideas?  We want to impress people!  You feelings are totally normal and you are not a bad person!

I have a friend who comes from money and never had to struggle for anything – clothes, vacations, cars, etc.  She’s a great girl and never threw her money issues in anyone’s face but it frustrated me to no end.  But I finally realized: I really really appreciated everything I had to scrimp and save for.  I don’t think she ever had that experience or feeling.  So maybe think of it that way when comparing her wedding to yours?

Post # 6
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I think there are 2 totally seperate things here! As far as her relationship goes- tread lightly! My Husband and I were once that couple- we started dating at 15 and for a while in high school we broke up and had big fights all the time. Then one day, something clicked. Now we rarely have real fights (fights that are not pms me crying because he drank the milk or bought too much etc) and we have been living together for 3 or 4 years now. It is like a different relationship. if someone had told me what a crazy drama quees I was or had been critical of our relationship back then, I would be hesitant to include them in my life now. Petty yes, but realistic. That doesn’t mean dont support your friend and make sure she knows you are there to listen and that you care that her comitment and happiness are your #1 concern.

In terms of the budget thing- I TOTALLY know the feeling but one of my best friends comes from money. Her parents paid her tuition and always bought her stuff and her wedding budget was “dont tell your father” and whatever she wanted, but she wasn’t earning it so I dont think it really was as valued by her. I was so proud of my wedding because I earned every penny and scrimped and saved to have it. Would I have taken cash from my parents if they had had any? ABSOLUTLY but there is something very rewarding about throwing yourself a budget wedding and making it happen. I will remember every single detail, bacause I earned every single detail, so in the end I am glad I paid for my own budget wedding.

(note- Brides whose parents have money who arent paying for your own wedding- Don’t think I am knocking it! Given the oppertunity I would totally be you)

Post # 7
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would be careful about saying anything to her about her relationship. I had a friend who had a similar relationship with her boyfriend, and in expressing my concern for her, I ended up losing a friend. There’s obviously more to that story, but it’s a fine line.

And my friend is very happily married to that guy — four years I think now?

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