Feeling like an ugly bride (with gorgeous bridesmaids!)

posted 3 years ago in Full Figured
Post # 16
Member
270 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
citizenerased14 :  Oh bee, I have no advice, but I just wanted to give you an internet hug. This is something I’ve dealt with and worried about as well and I know how hard it is. You are doing great with your progress!!

Post # 17
Member
6 posts
Newbee

I have also always struggled with my weight and insecurity.  I still do and I’m 40, I have gone up and down weight-wise and even 100 pounds down I was still insecure.  I have had a lot of health issues and at this point I’m glad I’m alive and have an amazing fiance and children.  We all have insecurities, some we may never get over regardless of weight loss or life changes.  You just need to look at all the wonderful things in your life and be thankful for those and continue to work on yourself.  Be happy bee, you deserve it.

Post # 18
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Hi Bee,

First of all, fantastic on the 20lbs lost so far! Loosing weight is tough, it’s not easy at all so try and remain positive as you are doing a great job already!

Secondly, you’re not alone in how you feel. So many woman suffer from serious self esteem issues (myself included) and we can only see the points that we hate and not everything else about us. The way I try to think of it (I too have anxiety about ewalking down the isle.) is, think of a friend or someone who looks this way, even maybe a similar thread, and the bride to be has posted a photo of herself, or walked down that isle and all yuo’ve though is, WOW she looks so beautiful! Why do you think that way? Coz she does! Regardless of any flaws, shape, size etc she looks beautiful because she’s marrying the man she loves and it shines through. THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE WILL THINK WHEN THEY SEE YOU AND IT WILL BE GENUINE. You’re friends, family AND fiance love you for you and that’s all they see, is you glowing as you marry him.

I fear your self esteem regardless of your size will always be an issue in your head but I also advise you to keep going with your weight loss, every pound loss is a positive and the journey is on going it’s not over night.

Also can I just say, you and your fiance look so happy and lovely in your avatar!!

Post # 19
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2019

Hey! First of all as a mental health therapist. I admire you for discussing your insecurities with a bunch of strangers in a forum. I was desperate to loose weight myself too and honestly the ONLY thing that has ever worked for me is Keto. I lost 22 pounds in 1 month. It is work and effort but is an easy and quick way to loose weight. I plan to start back on it soon. As others said, maybe don’t have bridesmaids especially if it makes you feel self concious (understandable as we often make comparisons which feed our insecurities) . It won’t be easy but look into Keto, I swear it works and I’m a lazy type of person who hates “portion” control etc and edamame. What helped me without getting scientific and complicating myself is , for keto learn what Carbs are and avoid them! You can still eat a lot of great stuff like bacon, cheese etc. Best of Luck!

Post # 20
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

its been a few years since i lost 80 lbs… and i know its not easy. i also hold a lot of weight in my face, and i felt like no matter how much i lost my face still looked “fat”. i had major envy over other plus size girls who had slim faces, feeling like they must like their pictures better…

even though by the time i got married i had lost my excess weight, i still saw myself as having a big face.

i did two temporary things to boost my confidence for that special day. #1, i’m a teeth grinder. I had overly large mastecating muscles in my jaw from that, which added to the width of my lower face. I got botox starting a couple months before the wedding in my jaw, which helped me stop grinding and also let the muscles return to their normal size. if this is similar for you, you might look into it. if its more of a chin issues, there is also the treatment Kybella that i’ve heard pretty good things about.

 

the second thing i did was share my wishes with my makeup artist about hoping to slim my features with contouring. this is something we worked on in my trial and the day of was very helpful.

confidence is about getting over things and accepting ourselves, but if you need or want a little cosmetic help don’t feel bad about that either.

Post # 21
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

i went through the same thing. i have always struggled with my weight, i have a twin sister who has always been so tiny and outgoing, never worried about what she ate, etc. 

i was at my heaviest when i got married which was really depressing for me. like so excited to get married, but dreading seeing myself in photos. looked for dresses for MONTHS, went to different states even, trying to find something i felt beautiful (ie skinny) in.

and i adore my bridesmaids, but literally out of six, one of them is a personal trainer, one has the body of a victoria secret model, and one has been a size 2 since middle school, even after having a baby like a month before my wedding she snapped right back. 

meanwhile i wear a size 18.

and then at some point i think a month before the wedding, i just kind of had a change of mindset, like jsut told myself i had to stop and enjoy my wedding. 

like, f— it, i look like what i look like. even if i HAD found some magic dress that made me look like a size 8, the people i was inviting to the wedding know what i look like on a regular basis, its not like i would be fooling anyone. i mean even if I didnt feel 100% gorgeous, my bridesmaids thought i was, my fiancee thought i was, and i knew my family and friends we had invited thought that too. and if they didnt, were they really people i wanted to be paying to have around me?

when i got my pictures back, i didnt love how i personally looked in them, but i did love the pictures (if that makes sense), and looking back im glad i at least had that mindset the day of because i really did enjoy every minute and didnt worry about my appearance/weight at all that day.

Post # 22
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
citizenerased14 :  Your Fiance choose you because he loves you and he sees your beauty, even as you are struggling to see it yourself. The sheer joy of marrying your best friend and biggest supporter is the most beautiful thing you can wear.

Please don’t be upset with your friends, or jealous of them. These girls are your nearest and dearest and it would be so sad to let your insecurity drive a wedge in your friendships. Be careful of how you speak about yourself around them. If they truly are your best friends, they are supporting you no matter what!

Can you work out with your bridesmaids? Sweating it out always made me feel better and we followed some insane workout plans and kept each other accountable. One of my bridesmaids was struggling with her weight and had fun creating challenges that were appropriate for the group (everyone set their own goals and we cheered each other on!)

You’ve made it this far and you have much to be proud of 🙂 I hope you can focus on your progress and celebrate it!

Post # 23
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee

Your bridesmaids may struggle with how they look too, regardless of if they’re thin or not. I’m a 00 and still hate how my face looks in photos. I have super fair skin and look washed out, plus I don’t have face fat to hide the fine lines I’ve recently begun noticing. And did I mention I have a giant forehead? I have some really pretty bridesmaids too and I’ve been stressing about how I look next to them. We all have insecurities, and unfortunately being a bride magnifies them. 

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