Post # 1
I’m 5 months away, and I’m finding myself with no other choice but to be forceful, pushy and to the point of being intolerable in order to get help from anyone in my family. Nothing has been done for my wedding, and I mean, almost nothing besides booking the venues. I’ve been left to take care of every last detail on my own up until new and I’m completley overwhelmed. My fiancee’ works two jobs trying to help pay for everything and I’m a full-time student in the middle of an exam week currently, hence the aggravation I’m feeling momentarily.
My parents have told me 100 times that they feel like the wedding is too far away to be worrying about anything. They ignore my texts and emails completley. For example my stepfather works littlerlly 100 feet away from a stationer’s store and I texted him to stop by and ask about renting their tape gun, and he doesn’t respond. I was drowning in homework and asked him to call a few hotels near the wedding to see about blocking some rooms (my guests are already wanting to buy their plane tickets and reserve rooms). he didn’t respond to that either. I’ve called and emailed and texted both my parents to help me with various small tasks and they completley ignore me, so I end up doing them myself and then more wedding tasks pile up. I finally got my mom on the phone today and all I could do was yell about how I’m having guests callign me and badgering me about what to do where to go and they havne’t helped me figure out the logistics whatsoever. I feel like a wretched person, but this is what i’ve resorted to.
They just keep sayin they dont’ have time, they have bigger problems to deal with. My bother’s are always in financial crisis, neither of them have ever held a real job and they are in their late twenties. My mom basically told me today that she’s too busy helping my brothers to help me.
Again, just feeling like I have no choice but to be as nasty and mean and horrible as possible just so I can get the tiniest bit of help. And I HATE that I have to feel this way.
My mother and stepfather are notorious procrastinators…they are always saying they need to plan better but they never do, everything always falls apart when it involves them. I have no idea why I thought I would be able to get their help in planning a wedding.
My mother also keeps comparing me to my sister. Saying my sister didn’t give her a hard time about her quincenera…my sister didn’t want much, my sister wasn’t pushy. Well, My sister was 15!! My sister didn’t have a WEDDING in which she had all her immediate family and closest friends traveling out of the country and I’m not even sure you can compare the two.
Sorry for the rant.
Post # 3
rant away girl, that’s what we’re here for! wedding planning is stressful! but at the same time, i’ve kinda learn the attitude in life and wedding planning, if you want things to get done, do it yourself. can’t change other people, but you can change your own attitude. but for sure i understand where you coming from. it’s your WEDDING! once in a lifetime event and surely someone can help out here and there, especially FAMILY! but i guess for some people, it’s “just” a wedding. <3
Post # 4
@fresitachulita: At this point, you are in crunch time. Six months before the wedding is when time goes faster.
You need to go ahead and plan this yourself dear one. Your parents do not understand so it’s time to take the proverbial bull by the horn.
Set aside the time to set up hotel blocks because you may have to sign contracts for it.
All brides go through this. I’m sorry :(. In the end, I had to plan the wedding myself and keep details secret because my female family members were giving me hell over my choice of wedding decor.
It will all work out! Just set aside about a hour a day to call and make plans. It can be done. I planned my wedding working two jobs.
Post # 5
@fresitachulita: Oh no I’m so sorry. I can’t even fathom how much stress you’re going through.
I agree with the PPs though, you’re gonna have to do this yourself. That’s the only way you can ensure the job gets done. Don’t get dragged into stressful crunch time because of your parents’ procrastinating.
I’m praying for you, sending hugs your way.
Post # 6
omg. If you are 5-6 months out, I’d say it’s time to get doin’ it yourself. Which is a total shame, because someone should want to help you!
I refused to start planning 9+ months out. We really didn’t start planning until ….last month. But now I am crunched and stressed out. My fiance works long hours, so all the meetings, bookings and scheduling is done just by me. I thought I had all this time…and suddenly it is going by very fast. My parents live 2 hours away so it is hard to have my mom help me with things that need booked where I live, you know?
Honestly, when I realized that I was planning most of this on my own, I made a gigantic list of EVERYTHING that needed done and just picked a small thing from the list and got started. I carry a calendar in my purse and I write everything in it, from meetings to when paperwork is due to the venue. I would book the rooms asap, though. I put this task off b/c I thought it would be a long process and it actually was very easy.
Get through exam week, first, and then start wedding planning. Screw everyone else that refuses to help you. You can do it, and on that day, when everything looks great and runs smoothly due to your hard work, they can eat it. I’m sorry noone is helping you, I understand where you are coming from. Vent here, ask a ton of questions, we will help you!
Post # 7
Sorry you are so overwhelmed!! Try to take it one step at a time and as PP’s said set aside some time very day to deal with a specific task. It is tough to plan a wedding when you have exams and lots of stuff going on! But you are an adult, it is your wedding and your responsibility so no one HAS to help you, sure it would be nice if they did but you should not expect it. Please don’t be horrible to people, it won’t help, it will make them less likely to help you and you more frustrated because you don’t want to be mean. It is stressful but try to see the big picture – you are marrying your love and it will all come together if you take it a little bit every day! Good luck!
Post # 8
Its sucks that you are overwhelmed but at this point if I were you I would just plan on doing it yourself. Your wedding will seem most important to you. I know if I were a parent with a daughter getting amrried I would try help the best I could but have a lot of other important things on my plate too.
Post # 9
Thanks. Yeah, I realize I’m getting no help and I’m screwed. I guess what I’m sayin’ is I wouldn’t have had this wedding if I had known I’d be doing it all by myself. I really don’t want it anymore, but now it’s too late.
Post # 10
What a nightmare. I’m so sorry that they’re overwhelmed and that you are overwhelmed too! I’m not familiar with the details of your wedding, but…are you having any attendants? If so, maybe see if your bridesmaids and maid of honor could do some of the research on this. Similarly, I’m not sure of your relationship with your FI’s family — but if it’s pretty good, or even if you’d like to get closer to them, maybe ask for help from them? Explaining that your folks are swamped with family stuff, and that if they had any time to look into X or do X, it would mean so much to you…I bet that they might even be flattered that you asked.
Hope this helps and/or that things get better for you!
Post # 11
Honestly, if you know that your family is unreliable, the best thing is just to do it yourself. At the end of the day you will know that the things you need will be in place.
Post # 12
I can understand that you’re overwhelmed, and it would certainly be nice of them to help, but it is your wedding, not theirs. They aren’t OBLIGATED to help you.
I know you said your FH works a lot, but he should still be helping more than it sounds like he is.
I know this is probably just a rant, and I hope that your family starts helping out more because you’re right, it IS a lot of work for one person, but at the same time I feel like you can’t really act entitled to their help, you know?
Post # 13
I’m sorry that you are so over whelmed and it sucks that your parents aren’t able to help you. However, this is your and your FI’s wedding and you are the only 2 people who should be planning it. You shouldn’t expect or demand anyone else to help you. So please, please, please don’t be mean to them. You can ask for help, but if they are too busy, then they are too busy. It certainly does suck though.
Anyway, I hope this rant got it all out of your system. As PPs have mentioned, make a list and just work your way through it. And there are a lot of people here that can help answer questions. You can do it!
Post # 14
You should plan your own wedding. If others offer to help, that is a great bonus, but I wouldn’t rely on anyone else.
Post # 15
Can you hire a planner? That’s pretty much what they’re for.
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
It’s hard when people don’t meet your expectations. I think a lot of people think wedding planning with bring them closer to their parents (esp their mothers) and it doesn’t always happen.
You want your parents involved, but you don’t need them involved. You can do this. But as and educator, I think you need to put this on the back burner until exam week is over. Then, you can tackle one task per day. You’ll get much further and feel far more accomplished if you do that than if you try to chase down your parents, who don’t seem to be in a place where they can meet your expectations.