(Closed) Feeling like I should leave- Parner has friends over daily and I feel unwelcome

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think you should leave yet, but I think you should talk to him again about it. Be honest with him that you’re thinking of leaving. <br /><br />It’s your house too. I would feel the same way. How can you ever do anything for yourself if you always have guests to worry about?

Post # 17
Member
6431 posts
Bee Keeper

jteeny:  You are definitely not wrong to move out.  Before my husband and I moved in together we hung out with friends maybe once or twice a week, we usually spent all of our free time together.  After we had our child we now hang out with friends once a week maybe 2 hours at the most and that’s dictated by our daughter and how fussy she gets.  Being made to feel unwelcome in your home is not a good sign from your boyfriend.  I would move out and tell him you’ll move back in when he’s ready to be an adult.

Post # 18
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 

jteeny:  You are not being unreasonable. I expect my Fiance to have friends but I would also feel unwelcome in this situation and could never imagine doing this to him either. I think you already tried talking to him and the fact that he wont even consider where you are coming from says everything. If this is an ongoing trend in your relationship, that is definitely a red flag. I definitely want someone who is involved in helping in the household and helping with future children so I would not be okay with this situation.

Post # 19
Member
2448 posts
Buzzing bee

How fortunate for you to have found this out now rather than later! 

You are in a perfect situation for exploration of Partner’s feelings and intentions. If he sounds willing to change, you will be able to consider his input and proceed in growing as a couple.

if he refuses to talk, or attempts to negate your feelings, you can leave without complicating concern.

Post # 21
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

jteeny:  have you told him it bothers you to the point that you’re seriously looking to move out? If you have and he’s still not changing his ways, I’d be looking for a place to live in your shoes.

Post # 22
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee

If you can’t deal with it right now with who he is, let it go! I would certainly leave. I couldn’t do it.

Post # 23
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

He is a bad roommate, let alone a bad SO.  I wouldn’t put up with that from someone who was just a roommate, let alone an SO.  I would expect a roommate to handle their portion of the chores on a regular basis and to give me a heads up with limited veto power about friends coming over.   An SO, I would expect even more from.  If you can’t expect more from your SO than a roommate after multiple convos, its time to leave. 

Post # 24
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sounds to me like he wants to spend his life like a teenage boy- never cleaning up after himself and always hanging out with his guy friends.

You should try finding a grown up next time. :/

Post # 25
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

 

jteeny:  Sounds like we were involved with the same man. I could have written this about my ex. Adults don’t do this. Grownups honor their promises and do the things that need to be done. I know, I found one. He clearly doesn’t care that you feel uncomfortable. My ex and his freinds would leave beer bottles all over the house, plates in the sink. Just walk in like they owned the place.

The only thing that shocked my ex into noticing that I did everything for him was when I stopped. Stopped washing his clothes. When he asked where his clean work clothes were I just looked at him and said “Weird, I have clean clothes. Huh.”

Stopped cooking dinner for him, he was an incredibly picky eater. “What’s for dinner?” Brussel sprouts. “I hate those!” Too strange man, I love em.

Ended up leaving me for a woman he was sleeping with at the restaurant he worked at. On my birthday. It was weird I was mad but after 5 years I should have felt more than just anger and relief.

 

Post # 26
Member
14987 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you mean leave, as in leave the apartment, I hope you also mean leave him.  There’s no way I would let his behaviour run me out of my own house and allow the relationship to continue.

Post # 27
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

There are so many loser “men” out there who somehow manage to convince women to be with them. Do you really want to count yourself among them? Even if he’s like, 21 and simply not ready to be in a relationship, I wouldn’t stick around to be his live in maid. I’d tell him to call me when he’s grown up and transformed himself into a decent human being.

Post # 28
Member
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You laid some significant ground rules, and he didn’t respect them. He’s not pulling his own weight. I would consider both those things a red flag. I would be reconsidering that relationship and thinking about moving out. 

Post # 30
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

You have to take care of and clean up after him and his friends? You do all the chores and he doesn’t respect you at all and just does what he wants? That’s not a partner. That’s a teenage son. Why live like this if you don’t have to? I would go crazy not feeling welcome in my own home.

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