(Closed) Feeling like it is never going to happen…..

posted 4 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
9556 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, at some point you just have to either be willing to make sacrifices and cut back on your wedding or make a sacrifice and cut back on your day to day expenses. You have to make it a priority. 

If you decide to cut back on the wedding, it sounds like you’ve got a small guest list, but plan a whole weekend thing – how about a wedding in a park, chapel, something like that. Then dinner for 10 at a nice restaurant. You should be able to do that for a couple thousand – do you think you could come up with that much?

If you decide to cut back on day to day living – set a budget and then stick to it. See where you can cut. Don’t eat out. Make your own coffee. Pack lunch. Don’t buy new clothes, electronics or household items unless you really need them.  ‘

Life is all about priorities.

Post # 4
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I just want to comment on the dress size because we have about the same measurements. I too, lost weight- 100lbs and I’m still a size 18! Wtf, I wear a size 8 in street clothes but bridal gowns dont care about that! I know it’s frustrating and discouraging- I was very upset about the size but it will be tailored for a perfect fit, and some times there needs to be extra material for that. Don’t let it get you down, it’s just a number (that you can cut out of your dress!).

Post # 5
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree that if you want this wedding to happen, you have to make it a priority. Set up a savings account just for wedding expenses, and then have something automatically go into it every time you get paid. You won’t miss it.

Have you considered getting a used or sample gown? Or find a beautiful white evening gown? This can be cheaper alternatives.

Post # 6
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We had a wedding-only savings account.  One thing we did to help is sell a lot of things on eBay.  I sold my high school prom dresses from 1991 (can’t believe people would buy them, but they did) a bunch of HO train cars around Christmastime, Star Trek models in their original boxes–basically we looked around at our stuff with the rule that if we hadn’t put our hands on it in the past two years, we’d consider selling it.  I sold my model Breyer collection which I’d been carting around in the boxes I packed them in back in 1989, he sold a Super 8 camera that he’d kept just because it was cool.  We also dropped our tax returns in there.  We wouldn’t clear a ton of money on any individual sales on eBay, but it added up.

We stopped eating out as often and never at all for lunch.  I pack FI a thermos instead of stopping for coffee.  One of my credit cards had a one-year interest-free offer so we’ve been using that for deposits and paying it off as funds in the savings account became available.  I also had to stop watching reality TV and keep my thoughts on the wedding focused on us and what we really want.  He’s been married before, and all his family has said is that we should go to the courthouse and then have an elaborate honeymoon, but I don’t care as it’s about us.  We’re doing what we want, and there have been disagreements and difficult discussions to get on the same page with what will happen, but that’s been good practice.

Honestly, at this point two a half months prior to the wedding, I wish we’d done less, but I think every bride reaches a this-is-a-big-nuisance phase, which I hope will evaporate on the big day.

Post # 7
14 posts
  • Wedding: December 2016

Set up an account, set a budget that you can afford, then plan the wedding accordingly.  Set a date that makes sense for your lives then move towards it.  Make a budget for everythiyou you need to doduring this time period (including daughters prom dress which shouldn’t be that outrageous.  Would a cruise wedding work for you?  You might not need to pay for food, linens, music, things like that if you time it right.  Your friends will be happy for you whetherit is fancy or plain.  What matters most is what comes after the wedding day 🙂

Post # 8
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your words,


We make 100k a year.  I don’t know why I cannot make any deposits.


Your first step is to set up a spreadsheet and figure this out.  Find out where your money is going, and then budget from there. 


Also, your daughter does not have to have everything she wants, while you continue to wait for what you want.  Does she work or do you pay for it all?


Good luck!


Post # 9
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@thumpurr:  Get your dress at Alfred Angelo if it will make you feel better. Their sizes match your street size.  Re: money – even if you stash away $25 per week each, that will add up eventually. Can you figure out how much your wedding will cost total and then divide up how much you will need to save each week to reach that in a year?

Post # 10
90 posts
Worker bee

I tend to be big in the shoulders & bust but small hips & waist. My first wedding dress was actually a bridesmaid’s ensemble – a gorgeous silk bustier with pearl beadwork, and a separate skirt in the same fabric. Using separates took care of the sizing difference and allowed me to buy off the rack. Didn’t even need any alterations. Hope that helps. I know the $$ issues can be stressful. Figure out what you can afford to put aside and then work your plans around that budget, instead of deciding on the event details and trying to make money magically appear. A friend catered my first wedding very inexpensively because she’d been toying with starting a catering company and wanted to get her feet wet. It all went beautifully (although it might have been the first wedding where the caterer was more nervous than the bride and groom – ha!). Be creative! In the end, the important thing is that you get to share your day with the people you love. They won’t care whether you’re serving oysters rockefeller or BBQ!

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