(Closed) Feeling like its never going to happen despite being told "in summer"

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Just step back and breathe. No, there’s nothing you can do. Give the guy a chance to plan something before automatically assuming he won’t. My husband doesn’t plan anything, but it took me shutting up and letting him do his thing before he proposed. Unless you have serious reasons to believe that he is leading you on, just chill.

Post # 3
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Stop worrying and just let it happen! Save the disappointment until after this supposed deadline and if he doesn’t propose by then, talk to him! Don’t waste you’re summer trying to guess when it’s going to happen. You’ll be happier if it is truly a surprise

 

Post # 5
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Maybe he does have a plan and just is being really, really secretive.  Maybe it’s not happening on a weekend.  Maybe he’s planning on taking you out one day after work during the work week?  I wouldn’t completely dismiss it just yet.  I agree with you though, hopefully he will take advantage of you being off for a week and will do something then so you have time to enjoy being engaged!

Breathe little grasshopper. (I’m telling myself the exact same thing as I’m in a similar situation!)

HUGS

Post # 6
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

 

Make this the Summer of Zippy ๐Ÿ™‚  Plan fun things, set goals for yourself, take up a new hobby. This is what I’m doing for myself as waiting has gotten me a little bummed out lately.

Post # 7
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

These “Waiting” boards fascinate me.  Quite honestly I really don’t get it.  I don’t get why women tend to sit passively by and sit on their hands just waiting and waiting and waiting for this ROMANTIC surprise proposal…I blame viral videos.

I’m not trying to pick on you OP, but the thing is…an engagement isn’t the end-all be-all.  Heck, marriage isn’t an end-all be-all.  Yes it’s life-changing, but at the same time…you’re still YOU in the end.  Live your life, go out and enjoy new things this summer.  It is one of the best times of the year.  Do NOT let this anticipation of a potential engagement control your life.

The other issue I have with waiting passively for a proposal is basically letting someone else be in control of your life.  YOU are in charge of YOUR life.  Sitting down with him and coming up with a timeline may not be the most romantic of things, but it allows you to discuss as a couple what your future holds.  It’s the 21st century.  It’s ok to discuss future plans.  Trust me, it doesn’t take away from the actual proposal.

Here’s how things went down with myself and my now fiance.  Last November he actually was the one who brought up “next steps” in our relationship.  I have such high respect for him for doing that.  He’s not exactly the type of guy who is comfortable bringing up that conversation, but he did anyway.  He said he was thinking about what our future held as a couple and wanted to make sure we were on the same page.  Sure enough we were.  We then decided “a few months” was a good timeline to put on the engagement and that a summer 2015 wedding would be nice.  Sure enough we were engaged on Christmas and are getting married in August.  The proposal was still romantic even though the surprise factor wasn’t completely there.  I actually even considered asking him but he is suuuuuuper traditional and I knew that wouldn’t fly.

So go out and enjoy life.  Read new books.  Try new recipes.  Go to the beach.  Go to a wine and canvas event.  Fill your life with all these FUN things so that this proposal isn’t looming over you and ruining your summer.

Post # 8
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

The proposal is his to do. Let him do it.

If you do not feel comfortable with the way he’s doing it, then talk to him about being more involved.

Post # 9
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

My Fiance said he was ready to get engaged “soon” but I had the feeling he was going to drag his feet, mostly because he was intimidated by ring shopping. He had always envisioned picking out the ring himself and completely surprising me, but he hadn’t thought at all about what he wanted, he was just planning to go to a jeweler and wing it. One day we had a long talk and decided to go ring shopping together.

Lo and behold, when we got there he didn’t have any preferences, so it’s a good thing I went with him! I picked out the ring (for less than what he thought he would need to spend), he took down all the info, and went back to the store on his own a few days later and bought it. He wanted the proposal, at least, to be a surprise. He proposed about 2.5 weeks after we went ring shopping together. It turns out he wasn’t ambivalent about getting engaged, he just needed a little nudge. 

Long story short, it’s OK to talk to your SO about these things. This is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you can’t be open and honest with him, who can you be? That’s assuming you’ve been keeping quiet this whole time and not bugging him about when you’re getting engaged. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
ljm308: Very well said, I don’t get it either. The proliferation of social media/youtube certainly has not helped matters.

Post # 11
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
zippy85:  i know its hard but stop expecting it! youre ruining it and driving yourself crazy.. mine as a complete surprise and it made it all the more better. if i sat there and let myself think every weekend “hmm he wants to go out to eat tomorrow maybe hes going to propose” i would have been actually disappointed because i would feel like i took the fun out of it but ruining the surprise. you know its happening very soon, take comfort in that fact and just relax! hop off of the bee for awhile.. it will make it harder to not think about it. if you feel like its coming just tell youself its still a long time till september so it could be anytime! dont let it ruin your whole summer by not enjoying your events because youre sad it hasnt happened yet! IT WILL.

Post # 12
Member
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Don’t micromanage it, I know how hard it is trust me but just let him do his thing and if september passes and no proposal, then have a talk about where things are headed.

Post # 13
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Just trust him. You do, right?

Post # 14
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
zippy85:  You’re thinking WAY too into this. I know you’re excited and tired of waiting…I’m in the same boat. But stop over thinking it.

Sounds like he’s got plans in the works. Just sit back and be happy about that. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

View original reply
doberman:  Right??  It’s crazy.  I also discovered the “Waiting List” yesterday which literally caused my jaw to drop straight to the floor.  Yikes.  I’m not trying to be mean or anything but I’m shocked by the sheer amount of women sitting and waiting for their “magic moment” in a proposal.  Maybe I’m old and senile (late 20’s).  I don’t know.  Believe it or not I believe in love as much as the next person.  But when I see someone just waiting for THEIR “magic moment” in a proposal and thinking it is coming around every corner, so much so that it is affecting their daily life…I just can’t stand by not saying anything.  Life is about so much more than getting married!!!

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