(Closed) Feeling like my wedding's been ruined…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

Oh I am so so sorry that all this is happening πŸ™ I am sending you many virtual hugs and prayers. I can’t believe how much you and your family has been through.

I really don’t have much advice, mostly some sympathy. My aunt is dealing with breast cancer, so I can certainly understand the terror and heartbreak upon hearing the diagnosis. I can only pray for her that she comes through it… there are more and more breakthroughs all the time, keep holding onto hope.

The only other thing that I could say, and I definitely don’t want this to sound cold, but to go along with all the trials and tribulations and heartbreak, we HAVE to have joy. When good things happen (weddings, births, successes, etc.) We do have to hold onto those and appreciate those times. We need to have the good with the bad. I’m definitely not trying to minimize what is happening, just to more so say that as hard as it is, we have to make the most of every second and every chance. Again, I am sending you hugs and prayers…

Post # 4
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MoonlightRose:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As the first commenter said, though,  you don’t need to feel guilty for enjoying your wedding even during this tough  time for the family. I’m sure your FI’s sister-in-law wouldn’t want you to miss out because of her. Life has its tough moments, but they make these happy moments (planning craziness aside) worth it. 

Post # 5
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MoonlightRose:  I got married six weeks after my 35 year old cousin suddenly and literally dropped dead. She was standing and talking but then grabbed her stomach, screamed, and died on the floor in front of her husband. She left behind two children. It did cast a pall over the day. You just live in the moment. Enjoy your wedding as it is your wedding day. Know that God does not make mistakes. Do you think your SIL will be well enough to attend the wedding? Maybe have her with you that day and smile and laugh with her and create great memories and pictures.


Post # 7
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh I am so so sorry, that is just awful. I hope her treatment is swift and successful. It may be nice to put something in your wedding program mentioning the family members who aren’t there, or have a moment for praying for her recovery if that is something you’d be interested in. I know it’s hard. My mother went through a mastectomy, chemo, and radiation through the whole year we planned the wedding, and we had to be ready to marry immediately at a moments notice if her condition worsened. Thankfully she made a full recovery and enjoyed the day with us. Unfortunately, none of my dad’s family was able to attend our wedding due another family member dying of cancer and being buried the same weekend. 

But I agree that there is no way she would want you to ruin your wedding day feeling her pain, so try to enjoy your special day as best you can and create wonderful pictures and stories you can share with her.

Post # 8
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am so sorry! I think it is important for you to enjoy your big day! If it is important to have them at the wedding, I would talk to the vendors & see if you would move the date so that they could be there. 

Post # 11
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

This is extremely crappy. Sending virtual hugs your way!

Of course this will overshadow your day, but I guess shit happens. Whenever I’m feeling down I try and put things into perspective. At least you’re getting to marry the man you love. All the wedding drama is nothing in comparison to your FI’s SIL’s situation. Just try and think of your wedding as a one day event. Some go better than others. I know it’s supposed to be the best day of your life, but I guess you need to try and make the best of it. Maybe do something special for your Fiance SIL somehow.. take a minute out of the day and Skype with her when you’re in your dress… make her feel a part of it all.

I don’t think you should feel guilty for wanting to enjoy your day or anything like that.

Post # 13
35 posts

I am sorry you going through this :(((

I am sure you are supporting her and calling her and everything. Maybe you should indirectly open up to her about it, like be emotional and tell her how much you think about her and pray for her… even when planning for the wedding… because you are family… then she’ll tell you to enjoy your wedding after all and that it should not be ruined because of what she is going through.. I know all the bees told you the same thing, but I think hearing it from her will help you the most and you won’t feel guilty anymore.

Post # 14
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I just finished most of my treatment for breast cancer, so I hope I can give you advice from the same perspective as your SIL. Please enjoy your wedding! If she’s anything like me, it will break her heart if her illness causes you not to enjoy your wedding.  It sucks enough when you youself have cancer, but it sucks even worse sometimes when you see what your illness puts your loved ones through.

Since you mentioned she’s a bridesmaid, is she involved in your wedding planning? It may seem trivial to ask her help and opinions on things while she has all this going on, but sometimes having something to distract you from cancer for a few hours is so great. Maybe you could still get her a bridesmaid bouquet and bring that and a piece of wedding cake to her after the wedding so she hasn’t been completely left out.

I’ll keep her and your family in my thoughts. This is not always a death sentence. Even if it has spread to her lymph nodes (mine had), there are so many treatments these days.


Post # 16
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m really sorry to hear this, as well.  I hope your SIL will be ok, and that treatment is successful.  I do agree that you should still celebrate your wedding.  Your SIL will have something to be happy about because of the wedding, even if she can’t be there in person.  If you postponed or cancelled the wedding, I’m sure she would be upset.

As for the bridal party, it seems like you don’t have to do anything.  You’re down a Bridesmaid or Best Man and a Groomsmen, so things are still even.  Don’t stress yourself trying to get fill-ins.  for the ring bearer, is there a way he can stay with relatives in your province that week? It might be the best thing during his mom’s recovery, anyway.  If he can, then he can still be your ring bearer.

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