(Closed) Feeling like therapy is a betrayal?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1171 posts
Bumble bee

I think it comes down to being close minded in my personal opinion, but I have openly seeked help in my teenage years and I don’t regret it.

However, for him it could be that he doesn’t agree with it. Sometimes people don’t agree with it and they can’t really explain why. I think it’s being close minded. but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Post # 3
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I don’t see how doing something to help make your marriage better would be betraying your marriage. Your husband’s behavior has brought things to this point and is much more a betrayal to your marriage than therapy. 

He may not like the idea of it but something needs to change so he needs to suck it up and give this a shot.

Post # 4
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It depends, I could see it that way but it wouldn’t Necessarily be that way.

I would expect the person who suggests therapy to have made strong effort to talk to his/her partner first – if they hadn’t it could feel like a betrayal that they won’t talk to you but suddenly they’re willing to open up just because a therapist will be present? Or it could seem, almost lazy? You won’t make the effort yourself with me but now you want a therapist to fix this?

Assuming that sort of situation is not the case then it should be seen as a positive, it’s not admitting defeat, it’s taking action, definitely no shame, but stigma does still exist so just be sensitive to that and be supportive of each other.

Post # 5
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe between now and Wednesday, stop talking about the upcoming appointment (beyond confirming the when/where details)?  If the idea of opening up his marriage/himself to a stranger is anxiety-inducing for your husband, it might not help to keep talking about it before you go.  Similarly, if you objectively know it is the right step to save your marriage but rehashing it makes you second guess yourself,  then just let the topic go for now.  You’ll both feel better after your appointment on Wednesday, when its no longer “the great unknown” so just try and carry on until then.

Post # 6
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am a bit skeptical of his motives to avoid therapy. I am thinking it’s because he knows how he’s treating you is wrong. He is worried that a therapist might confirm that to you. This would also mean owning and changing his behavior. Which he may be reluctant to do. 

Post # 8
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
feelingalone901 :  Don’t let him question your own motives (you came to this decision from a completely rational place, don’t let him make you think it’s anything less)..

I don’t know what he did to get you here, but it sounds like it couldn’t have been good since you say that there is plenty to scold/shame him on..

Post # 9
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
feelingalone901 :  Therapy helps fix things an make them better if you open up, trust the process and allow it to help you. For me betraying you marriage in this case would be to not do this when you clearly think it would benefit you both and your marriage. Sitting and doing nothing and watch it crumble, that would betraying the marriage. Being atrogant and thinkimg you font need it becaise you can eo it yourself, and each it burn because you end up not being able to do it yourself tha is betrating your marriage… In my opinion what you are doing is getting the help you need to make this a sucess. There is nothing wrong with seeking help, it doesn’t make you weak. Admitting you have issues and proactivelly dealing with them requires strength. Burrying your head in the sad… that is weakness.

Post # 10
Member
10410 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
feelingalone901 :  

I do hope it works OP, and  make sure you both get a chance to talk to her /him alone and that you feel like they really are good.

The counsellor I went to with my first ( ex!) husband was wonderful . For him that is – she pretty much told me I was a lucky girl to have such a charming and attractive and hardworking husband and I should forgive and  forget the odd infidelity. Hah!

Obviously I picked a bad one , but my ex h was not keen to go anyway, for precisely the reasons yours gave- its a bit soon,  no-one else’s business, we can work it out etc etc . As a pp says, mostly it’s  because they fear to have their bad behaviour confirmed as such .  Not that my ex did ,  I used to wonder if they ever got together afterwards lol.

 

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