- 12 months ago
I’ve been with my SO for about 3 years now. We moved in together fairly quickly, 4 months into our relationship. It was a whirlwind in the beginning, he asked my cousin about rings about 6 months in. I thought we would be like those crazy couples in the movies that get engaged and married right away because we were so crazy in love… But now, 2 and 1/2 years later here we are, still not engaged.
He tells me “don’t worry, it will happen” and has been telling me that for the last year and a half. We are financially stable, both in good places in our careers. We just bought a house together and just moved in last month. I thought that maybe he would propose during the move, but still hasn’t.
We talked about rings and he knows what I want. He has money saved, so I know it’s not about finances or saving to buy a ring.
I feel so lost and just like I’m not good enough, or he just doesn’t know if he loves me enough to marry me and that scares the hell out of me. We have talked about it, he knows how I feel but doesn’t say much more than “It’s going to happen,” he assures me that he wants to marry me and we talk about kids all the time too. So what’s the hold up??
I am so scared that I am pushing him away because I “pressure” him too much about it. But I know what I want, he assures me he wants the same. He is going to be turning 30 soon and I will be 25, I know I am still young but I want to have kids before I turn 30 and I want to be able to enjoy an engagement and marriage before I start worrying about trying to get pregnant…
I feel so crazy but I cannot stop obsessing over all of this. I feel like I am starting to resent him for making me wait and him not respecting my values as I have respected his by continuing to wait. He has noticed the change in me and asks why I seem to get so upset with him so easy now, but I can’t help but continue to feel so hurt as the weeks go by and still no commitment.
I found a venue that I feel in love with this week and I brought it up to him. We are actually going to tour it on Sunday and he even sugguested it. I am excited but I can’t help but feel weird about looking at venues when he hasn’t even actually popped “the question”…
Earlier thsi year I told myself I would give him until the end of the year and if he is still dragging his feet that I wouldn’t wait any longer. I have never voiced that to anyone other than myself. But as the year comes to a close I am starting to panic because I really don’t want to leave him but if that’s what it takes for him to realize whether or not he wants to marry me then I guess it would be worth it.
I can’t help but feel like we’ve been in some weird limbo lately. Especially with buying the house. Part of me thinks that I just need to be patient, but the other part of me is angry that he is not respecting my wishes and it may never happen or I am just going to continue to play the housewife role without ever actually getting to be a wife.
Is it weird to go look at venues before he proposes? Am I crazy and impatient? Or do finally give him an ultamatum? Any words of adice are greatly appreciated.