(Closed) :( feeling lost – difficult "waiting"

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
30 posts

@Dimps2425:  I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I remember the first time me and my boyfriend had the marriage talk. It was like we went from never really discussing it to BAM talking about it everyday. Sometimes you just have to try and see where it goes.  I would suggest you ask him where does he see himself and your relationship in the next year or two? Does he see marriage in the near future? That isn’t a selfish question and we always deserve to know these things. You’ll just have to respect his answer. From one girl in waiting to another, I wish you luck.

Post # 4
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Dimps2425:  Maybe it’s a situation where he is waiting for the completion of a major event in some one of your lives (maybe promotion, first house etc.)

I believe that he loves you and probably has a legit reason for waiting.

Hold tight waiting. 

Post # 5
288 posts
Helper bee

there is no doubt that he loves you but maybe his just not ready for the big ‘M’ yet! hold tight, bee . patient and understanding and just give it time. have you tried the SIUP pact? it works! 

Post # 7
3468 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Dimps2425:  I am a waiting bee as well so I can understand. Make a timeline. Don’t just bring up getting engaged, offer a time in which you feel you’d like to get married and discuss how long you’d like to be engaged. This will help you and him figure out when the best time to get engaged is. Ex. My SO and I talk about marriage a lot. I said I would like to be married by August of 2015, so do you think we could get engaged before August 2014 so we have enough time to plan? What are your thoughts? (my SO responded very positively to this, and was able to give his imput)

You aren’t pushing this way, you’re giivng your ideas and he can say well no I’d like this date or maybe he’ll tell you flat out he isn’t ready yet, but you can ask how long he thinks you’ll need to wait before getting marrid/engaged.

Don’t give up hope!

Post # 9
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would say the fact he will also become a father/ step father probably plays a factor in his caution. It’s a big deal to get married but becoming a husband and father is twice as big a deal. A man going from a single existence (where he dates or has a serious girlfriend) to becoming a husband and father is a major, irreversible life change. 

Maybe you need to sit down and talk to him and find out his thoughts about marriage and being a step-father – a real discussion, not just accepting the feel good (but empty so far) words about spending his life with you/ grow old. I think men know women love to hear that stuff so they can lay it on thick without realizing how much meaning women attach to such things.

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