(Closed) feeling lost… should I end my engagement and even relationship over this?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@LoveMe704744:  Wow. I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. I would be concerned not so much about his mother’s actions, although that is a huge issue in itself, but the fact that your Fiance can’t seem to stand up to her. I do think that it’s promising that he was able and willing to confront his parents, but it’s unfortunate that he wasn’t able to hold his ground. I would suggest counseling, maybe some with both of you and some with just him, so that you all can figure out how to not let his parents affect your relationship. I hope he finds a way to do what you need him to do in order for you to feel supported, because it seems like you really love him and don’t want to give up because of this issue.

Post # 4
7 posts

@LoveMe704744:  talk to him about it, tell him how you feel , let him know you want changes to be made or you won’t stay any longer. He needs to tell his parents to stop being mature, to respect you because you are his future wife and its going to be that way for a long time. If it doesn’t change then you can consider ending it 

Post # 5
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, if your Fiance can’t establish reasonable boundaries with his parents, you should not marry him. But before you break it off, I suggest a few sessions for the two of you with a family counselor. He may need professional help to do this; when you grow up with people who don’t understand boundaries, you often don’t acquire the skills you need to establish them. And hearing from a neutral third party that his parents’ behaviour is over the line shoud be a wake-up call.

Post # 6
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d have a serious talk with him. It’s not necessary or healthy for a grown man to be telling his parents about everything he does and everywhere he goes. i could NOT deal with that. He needs to man up or else I’d leave to be honest. That’s just a very weird, unhealthy relationship to have with your parents.

Post # 7
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Darling Husband was like this when I met him. All his life, he looked at this as love, not his family having an unhealthy obsession over needing him there all the time.

Enter me…and I totally rocked this family. I didn’t deliberately do it, but my family isn’t nosy or overbearing. Over time, Darling Husband saw how a family should treat their children and what kind of boundaries you need to have with your family.

His family resisted pretty heavily, but Darling Husband stood his ground and made sure his mom knew no calling after 9P, we aren’t spending every Sunday with her, we aren’t spending the night, and telling her that when we do things together he will call her back later.

It isn’t perfect, and Darling Husband still has issues telling his family no, but it is way better than it used to be. Your Fiance has to be willing to stand up to his parents a little in order for it to work though. You cannot do this for him. If he is unwilling to do this for you or refuses to even make baby steps towards figuring this out then it may be time to at least call off the engagements until he can get this thing handled.

Trust me, Darling Husband and I spent most of our manditory pre-martial counseling tackling this issue. It isn’t easy and doesn’t happen overnight.

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