(Closed) Feeling lost

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wish I had (useful or helpful) advice, but lacking that, I can send you is a lot of warmth and big hugs? 🙂

With what little I could glean from any internet post, you seem like a very caring individual, very concerned about the welfare of others, very willing to take responsibility for your own choices, and if anything – maybe you’re a little too nice, at times, and don’t push back as much as you might? 

Whatever you choose, your fiance has a wonderful future partner.  My only caveat would be I hope you are also standing up for yourself in all situations – whether with your family, or with your fiance, as it’s impossible to tell from this forum who’s objectively behaving as they should be. 

I hope you have a beautiful wedding day, whatever you decide about attendance.  And I hope the people in your life can learn to love you enough to care about your happiness in your own life, and put aside their pride.

Post # 5
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Totally. 🙁 

Why do you think your family’s reacting this way?  Are they protective of you?  Concerned or uneducated about his depression?  And has he taken steps to take care of his mental health? 

hugs 🙂

Post # 7
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If your mom was here, what would she be saying was the reason she was upset?  Like, if she were telling me, cause it sounds like she’d be more likely to tell a stranger than anyone involved. 🙂

 

Post # 8
Member
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@just_me:  OMG, my parents are the SAME way.  However, your FI needs to understand this is BOTH of your weddings.  You should either elope or get to have your family there, if they want to be there, supportive of the wedding or not.

I have a SUPER similar issue where my parents cannot stop complaining about my FI (he drinks too mcuh diet soda so he’s going to get cancer by 40 and then I’ll have to take care of him, oh and I’m only in love with him b/c he’s so good looking and he makes me get Rx pills delivered to the house so he can take them – uhm, awkward telling my dad that was MY birth control pills getting delivered lol). I also know that it took them MONTHS to come tell me after they blabbed about it to the entire family (who kept it from me, too), first.  I’m sure it wasn’t with bad intentions, I just think that’s how my parents are – big blabbers who swear they’re the best secret keepers with the most private lives in the world. 

Part of me doesn’t want them at my own wedding.  I only want people there who are positive and supportive.  I don’t want any negative energy.  But the reality is, at the end of the day, they are my family. They will be my family forever and my wedding is important enough for me to want to have them there.. or, I’m sure I’ll feel that way in the future 🙂  In the meantime, I’ve reconsidered my original wedding plans and even considered eloping.  Plans are on hold right now as I search for what I really want that will make me happy.  So, I truly understand and sympathize with you!

My advice:

You should sit down and have a talk with them and explain how hurt you are by their unsupportive comments and that this split was BOTH of your decision together and that it helped make the relationship a better one and you’re much happier now than you wear a year ago before the split. 

You should also speak w/ your FI and explain to him that you’re going to have your family at your wedding b/c that’s important to you.  He’s only going to make matters WAY worse if he doesn’t let you invite certain family members.  They’re just going to hate him more and talk abuot him more behind his/your back and then you’ll hear about it later and it will cause more drama. 

Post # 9
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That sounds like the most adult, calm, rational way to handle it I could imagine – perfect!

Post # 13
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My family reacts in similar ways – lots of “reasons” that feel a bit contrived.  More like, they’re having an emotional reaction, and then they build reasons over the top of it.  The problem is you can’t win, because even if you address the “reasons”, the emotional negativity is still there. 🙁

 

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