(Closed) Feeling low…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Focus on the day and what it truly means……marriage to the most amazing person in your life! I know its easy to get caught up in comparing , but seriously make it a point to ignore it! You are beautiful and special! Start acting like it ๐Ÿ™‚

And for the stuff regarding your mother, I’m so sorry! Hopefully you have someone you can talk to ( counselor, family member etc) as the wedding is sure to stir up some emotions.

Thinking of you!

Post # 4
Member
4325 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@techie:  There is a book called Adult Children of Abusive Parents by Steven Famer I would recommend you pick up. 

Ultimately, you can not help who you love no matter how badly they treated you. Do not feel guilty for that. 

Also, love yourself a little more. Your mother didn’t do the best job of showing you love, so you are left with this terrible habit, and that tends to drag you down more than you need it to. Don’t worry, you can retrain yourself to think and act differently.

When the day arrives, you will not be so focused on your internalizations of yourself; you’ll be too busy enjoying your new husband.

Post # 6
Member
8485 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

There is another, tho older book by Dr. Susan Forward called Toxic Parents that I found really helpful.

Post # 7
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@techie:  I went through the same thing not long before our wedding too. I did a full trial run of dress,hair jewellry shoes,veil the whole shebang. And when I looked in the mirror I was heartbroken. I still looked like me!!!I wanted to look like one of those flawless,gorgeous women that I saw all the time on the bee,and magazines,blogs etc and instead like you,I just felt like a big kid messing about playing dress up.It put me in a huge downer,and I couldnt take evrything off fast enough,I started having doubts about everything wedding related (apart from now Darling Husband of course)

And you know what?On the wedding day I never thought twice about any of my fears, I was surrounded by people who told me how amazing I looked,I was beautiful and all the rest. And I finally looked in that mirror and I saw a goregeous,perfect, lovely bride,waiting nervously to get married (And Im not normally confident at all!) And whenever I look back at the photos, I think how amazing I looked, rockin my dress,veil and aweseome hair and makeup. I finally felt like I fit into that “perfect bride” image thats pushed onto us from magazines.

Have faith you will be beautiful because you will be YOU!

Post # 8
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I feel the same as you. But I am constantly reminding myself that I have NEVER seen an ugly bride. All brides are glowing, gorgeous, and most importantly… MARRIED.

Post # 9
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just so you know- it’s totally ok to have a pity party.  Get a fun party hat, a bottle of wine, a box of tissues, and a good friend & just let it all go.  It’s cathartic & you’ll feel better (albeit hungover) after!

Remember that your Fiance wants to marry YOU.  Don’t let anyone get you down, you are a unique & special individual. 

Post # 10
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@techie:  I can totally relate, I almost fled the bridal shop in tears when trying on dresses, it’s not that I’m fat per se, but I used to be anorexic and now I’m on the curvy side and I just felt like even though I normally avoid mirrors that when I was wearing ‘the dress’ I would suddenly like what I saw

I say you need counseling to work on this—because it has nothing to do with how you really look on the outside-and you deserve to feel good on your day-I swear when you look back on those picks 30 years from now you’re going to think you were crazy for feeling so insecure

Post # 12
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@techie:  I hope you do, I still nitpick all my photos,point out my double chin,bad skin etc but whenever I look at my wedding photos,its like theyre untouchable lol!It must be all the happy thoughts associated with the day

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