Feeling lukewarm a few dates in…

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 62
688 posts
Busy bee

sassy411 :  this. so well said. 

I was confused, as I thought this post was about “should I stay with a guy I’m not that into?” And then it flipped and became about “why isn’t he contacting me?” And detailed analysis of his behavior. 

bee, whatever you can do to gently release, do that for yourself.

Get out of his head, and back into your own life. We can’t control other people… and until you have both expressed that you’re exclusive, you can’t really see where you are in terms of how a relationship would work.

also, it doesn’t matter what he’s thinking or doing- writing stories about him is just burning energy you could be spending making your own life great. 

Post # 64
1260 posts
Bumble bee

How did this go from “I’m lukewarm” to “why isn’t he responding to me?? What is he thinking?!? Does he still like me??” 

Treat them mean, keep them keen seems to work on you in this instance… whether he’s doing it deliberately to get this outcome or he’s pulling back in general or he’s genuinely busy, doesn’t really matter. It’s not about what he’s doing, more about thinking about why you react the way you do, what does that mean and how should you proceed. Do you really like him or is it just because he’s suddenly pulling back and it’s hurting your ego? Does the drama create some kind of excitement for you about this relationship that didn’t exist otherwise?


Post # 66
735 posts
Busy bee

cityred :  

I know I said this in my last post, but I would encourage you not to be too reactive and just to let things play out, if you actually like this guy.

There’s no harm in keeping busy with your own life and friends and just seeing where things go with him for the next few weeks. I’d give him the benefit of the doubt for now, and resist the urge to over-analyse it too much. The beginning of a relationship almost always has fits and starts, as you both might be dating others, have other priorities, concerns that you need to iron out… Plus, you don’t really know each other yet or how you each operate and communicate. 

Just ride it out for a little longer if you like him. If he has just been awarded custody of his children that is a MAJOR thing in his life which might have been taking up his attention and which he might not have wanted to tell you too much about, given that the relationship is so new.

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors