Post # 61
bubbles00 : this is a really good point about the closeness and one of the reasons I have my doubts – he is pulling away rather than coming closer
indigobee : I agree with that nothing that has happened lately is a great sign and I’m definitely trying to minimize my investment.
It sounds like the consensus here is that there is not enough information to know what’s going on so I just have to take a step back. I’m doing that. I contacted other guys on dating apps and am trying to make other plans. I have grad school reunion coming up where I’m hoping about meeting guys.
Post # 62
sassy411 : this. so well said.
I was confused, as I thought this post was about “should I stay with a guy I’m not that into?” And then it flipped and became about “why isn’t he contacting me?” And detailed analysis of his behavior.
bee, whatever you can do to gently release, do that for yourself.
Get out of his head, and back into your own life. We can’t control other people… and until you have both expressed that you’re exclusive, you can’t really see where you are in terms of how a relationship would work.
also, it doesn’t matter what he’s thinking or doing- writing stories about him is just burning energy you could be spending making your own life great.
Post # 63
ahsoka : Thanks. This all makes sense. I’ve made a real effort to stay busy and engage at work. It’s hard because after 6 months of work taking over my life, I’ve finally found some down time and now it’s like I just want to build up my social life, including dating. But I’m volunteering tonight and trying to stay social with other people, so I think I’m doing my part.
He asked me to dinner Monday and we made plans for Thursday as well, so maybe things are ok with him. I think part of my caution is that he just got awarded 100% custody of his children unexpectedly and I wonder if things have changed in terms of what he’s looking for. I’ll probably bring this up Thursday and see if I get some clarity that way.
Post # 64
How did this go from “I’m lukewarm” to “why isn’t he responding to me?? What is he thinking?!? Does he still like me??”
Treat them mean, keep them keen seems to work on you in this instance… whether he’s doing it deliberately to get this outcome or he’s pulling back in general or he’s genuinely busy, doesn’t really matter. It’s not about what he’s doing, more about thinking about why you react the way you do, what does that mean and how should you proceed. Do you really like him or is it just because he’s suddenly pulling back and it’s hurting your ego? Does the drama create some kind of excitement for you about this relationship that didn’t exist otherwise?
Post # 65
missyjz : I started this thread over a month ago.If you read closely, I said 3 weeks ago, well before this occurred, that I was starting to like him more as the dates went on.
Anyway, I had started to really like him the week before he pulled away, so I don’t think his shift in behavior influenced my feelings towards him except to make me feel anxious about where he stood.
Of course, it’s possible that HE is less interested having won me over, and that’s something I’m cautiously assessing. We have plans tomorrow night, so I’ll see how he behaves and if I can get a read on him. He seemed like he was feeling better on Monday so I’m hoping he’s back to normal.
Post # 66
I know I said this in my last post, but I would encourage you not to be too reactive and just to let things play out, if you actually like this guy.
There’s no harm in keeping busy with your own life and friends and just seeing where things go with him for the next few weeks. I’d give him the benefit of the doubt for now, and resist the urge to over-analyse it too much. The beginning of a relationship almost always has fits and starts, as you both might be dating others, have other priorities, concerns that you need to iron out… Plus, you don’t really know each other yet or how you each operate and communicate.
Just ride it out for a little longer if you like him. If he has just been awarded custody of his children that is a MAJOR thing in his life which might have been taking up his attention and which he might not have wanted to tell you too much about, given that the relationship is so new.