(Closed) Feeling overextended as a bridesmaid

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sweet5k:  That’s a tough spot to be in. I would just literally tell her that you cannot afford that… and as much as you’d love to be able to give her a lavish shower, you simply cannot. I think maybe being blunt in the nicest way possible might help!

Post # 4
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think set a fixed budget that you can contribute and then be very clear with MOB that you will not go over. Then her options are to either contribute more, find a cheaper place or invite less people. If she tries to guilt you, be firm but polite, something along the lines of “I’m afraid my budget is set. It is not possible for me to extend it”. 


In terms of a cheaper option, have you considered a brunch shower. Or maybe afternoon tea, so instead of a full meal you can have plates of sandwiches, scones and cupcakes. Have you asked MOB if any of her family in the area could offer up thir houses. 

Post # 6
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think that if the MOB is not willing to budge, then you may need to bow out. If she wants it all her way, then she needs to pay. Is there something else you could do for the bride instead, maybe a bridesmaid lunch or something. 

Post # 7
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@sweet5k:  I think $200 is very generous. I would tell her mother that’s all you can handle. If there’s still a problem I would ask the bride what she thinks. Tell her you’re in a really difficult situation. She’s probably the only one who can talk down her mother. 

Post # 8
709 posts
Busy bee

Urg, it wasn’t fair of the bride to put you in the position of hosting this party while having to make these other people happy. The shower she described is within your budget, and her mother is having none of that. That’s just not right.

I’d be inclined to put your money towards the bachelorette party that you’re hosting, and allow the bride’s mother to carry out the vision she has for her out-of-town guests in the shower. Depending on your relationship with the mother, this may be a no-nonsense conversation with her directly, or maybe it’s something to bring up with the bride since she’s a close friend and may be in a better position to facilitate changing hosts for this bridal shower.

Don’t let someone else’s mama play the guilt game with you!!

Post # 10
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@sweet5k:  I’m glad it worked out for you 🙂 I was going to suggest you go directly to the bride to talk to her about it and so she can talk to her mother. I know if any of my girls came to me and said, “Hey, your mom wants X and I can only afford Y” I would definitely side with my Bridesmaid or Best Man over my mom and take care of it. 😀 Good luck! <3 And high five for being such a great BM!

Post # 11
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@sweet5k:  I would speak up to the mother and when she gives you curt replies just say, I looked into costs and it is not within my budget.  And provide an option that is within your budget in return.  If it’s not ‘fancy’ enough for what the mother of the bride wants, then she’ll have to reply with “I’ll cover the cost” or “okay let’s do it at the affordable place you’ve suggested”.  I definitely don’t recommend going over budget and putting all your money into the wedding planning.  The bride didn’t ask you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor because of your financial contributions, it’s because she loves you!  The resentment you could potentially feel as a result of overextending yourself is not worth it.  For bachelorette – would every bride like to be wisked away and travel with her best girls to Vegas or Europe or NYC – perhaps, but it’s not realistic or in the cards for everyone.  I think a low key night that starts off at a home with drinks and snacks and music, then grabbing a cab or limo to a local club is more than adaquate, and shouldn’t break the bank.  I’ve even thought of doing a cooking class or something along those lines for mine.  Low key and affordable, as the bride, I would be upset if I heard that they overspent on my wedding and were overextending themselves financially.

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