Post # 1
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
Hi fellow bees…so today I am writing on an emotional note. I am trying to hopefully get a new job cause mines sucks currently…and causing me to be depressed greatly. On top of that me and my mother are clashing over the guests list!
First of all I prob should not have listened to my Maid/Matron of Honor because she is the one that suggested that I let my mom come up with a guest list in the first place. BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER! Not just cause it’s not my mother’s wedding, but because she will most likely try to invite everyone from life and the church! Then my mom was trying to make me “Feel bad” cause I only invited one of my Aunt’s friends who are a couple. She wanted me to invite the other lady too, but I told her I can’t AFFORD everyone..then she made those grunts as if to say I am making the wrong decision!
Then when I tell people I have four maids/ (one is a matron) they are like “ugh what?” it’s my weddiing and I can do what I want lol! I have them for different reasons…and I am not a “traditional” bride anyway! Isn’t the whole goal to get married to your soulmate?? NOT how many were in your bridal party!! Ugh maybe someone out there can relate or have gone through something similar…please share or give encouraging words!
Thanks!
Post # 3
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Oh yes, I’m definitely having flashbacks.
I’m going to give you a secret weapon on how to deal with the well-meaning, but stress-inducing, drive-you-insane, “helpful” comments…. It’s my 4 step plan.
Ready?
Step 1: Listen to what they say!
Step 2: Smile, Nod – do some sort of polite gesture (other than flipping them off, which is what I know you’d rather do!) 😉
Step 3: Say one of the following: “Thank you, that’s a great idea.” “Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind” “Oh, that’s interesting” “What an interesting idea” “Oh, I WISH I could afford to do that”. DO NOT – under ANY circumstances, agree to their suggestion!
Step 4: CHANGE THE SUBJECT! This is KEY to this plan! Get the person talking about ANYTHING else other than your wedding.
Post # 4
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
i can totally relate!!! don’t pay any attention to people. It is your wedding and you have all the right to decide who will be a part of it, and you decide the guest list. You can ask your mom for advice, suggestions, but in the end you decide who will be invited. Don’t feel bad. I have been there before. I know it’s so hard to deal with people like that.
I am having a small-medium size wedding and have had to cut the list down. we simply cannot invite all our family members. In the end, what matters is that you will be getting married and you will have the family and friends that YOU want there in YOUR special day.
Try keeping a positive attitude. At least that is what I am telling myself 🙂 If you just think positive and try to ignore or control how you react to those comments (ie. laugh it off, which I do often) then you will enjoy wedding planning more 🙂 Good luck to you and both of us as I am going through the same thing!
Post # 5
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
@futuremrsmendez: Breathe my friend, breathe! While including mom in making a guest list is a very polite idea, I would stand firm on what YOU can afford if YOU are paying for YOUR wedding. I know that it is often very difficult to say no to dear mom, but…yes always a but…ultimately this day is about you and your FH. When you look back on this day will you be sad that the friend of the aunt wasn’t there? Are they are a cherished person in YOUR life? If the answer to that is no, it won’t bother you one bit…axe them. If mom truly wants all of these people there then politely tell her if she wants to increase the guest list beyond what you can afford then you will need her help. Be upfront with her. I sympathize with you greatly, but for sanity’s sake stand your ground and worry about your own happiness. Don’t let everyone else’s ideas of this special day ruin it for you. Those are regrets you can’t take back and this is a day you should enjoy.
I truly agree with the other post, nod and smile, thank them for the thoughts and ideas but never under any circumstances agree. An “I’ll think about that” is just as good. There are only 2 people that need to be happy about how this day turns out and mom is not one of them 
Post # 6
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
@oracle: I love it!! thank you for this wonderful advice!! It’s very true! I need to post this on my wall or something!
@julyweddinglovebirds: Yes! thank goodness someone who can truly relate even to the t of lowering the guests list! I am thinking me and my FH want…yes I want people there I know I will have fun with! Good luck to you too as your date is drawing near!!
@skyblueme: Yes I love your part about will I look around and be sad if they are not there? Answer is no lol! Yes my mom needs to remember it’s MY DAY lol. ugh. Gotta do like you say and not let their comments ruin the day or how I want it to go down!
Post # 7
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
My mom lives in my hometown of St. Louis so I think she feels others will be left out…but I can always come back and do a party in STL for those who couldn’t make it! Ugh lol.
Post # 8
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
Fake laughter and a single comment acknowledging you understand their viewpoint goes a long way. (e.g. “Whoa, I can totally see how having so many bridesmaids work against you!” or “Geez, I never thought of it that way, that’s a good perspective”) Followed by (minutes, hours, or days later) “Thanks for all the advice, after talking to my SO, we’ve mutually decided that….” and smile and maybe offer them some chocolate. Ultimately, you only have to do what you and your SO want to do. You are under no obligation to anyone else. It’s all a frame of mind! And once you’re in that frame of mind, it’s easy to maintain. Good luck!