(Closed) feeling overwhelmed by planning (anxiety/ocd/depression) – can anyone relate?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have severe OCD and panic/anxiety disorder. I couldn’t handle the stress of it all. Finally my fiance and I decided that it would be best if he and his mom did that part. He is very detail oriented and his mom does great things with design. I just couldn’t put myself through that torture anymore.

OCD is very much about control and I couldn’t control that situation at all. It drove me nuts. I’ll give you a great piece of advice…when you feel highly anxious, don’t clean, like at all. It starts a vicious cycle of “cleaning your problems away” only it really creates more issues.

Post # 4
14 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have generalized anxiety disorder and it seems to be triggered by the anticipation of big (and small) events/gatherings. I have been so freaked out about the looming wedding day (hence the fact that I happened upon this post because I have been scouring the internet for fellow anxious bride support). I am scared of being the center of attention, I am scared of being criticized or looking like a fool, I am scared people will travel from far away and be disappointed in the event, that it won’t be nice enough or exciting enough. I know I need to keep the focus on the fact that I am marrying the love of my life, but acceptance from others and having people ogling at me scares the sh*t out of me. I am going to require a xanax or 2 on the big day and say a million prayers for peace and pray that I don’t faint or barf at the alter lol. I will be thinking of you, fellow anxious bride!




Post # 5
480 posts
Helper bee

I have anxiety issues as well. We have been planning for our March 2014 wedding since January, and I have yet to even look at vendors. The idea throws me into a panic attack, because I don’t know what to look for, how to start, what to ask, etc. I m relying on my Future Mother-In-Law to do all the vendor shopping and then give me a couple to choose from, because I just melt into a pile of panicky, petrified, emotional goo. 

Post # 6
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Hi there,

Fellow anxiety/ocd/depression sufferer here. I’m sorry your dealing with this πŸ™ . When you have this illness, it tends to take over and gives you those “what if” thoughts a lot (what if I am like this on my wedding day, what if this goes wrong, etc). Honestly, its best to just take it 1 thing at a time. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Another option for you might be to hire a Day of Coordinator. They can help make the day run much more smoothly and ease your nerves. That is what we are doing and mine knows about my anxiety and has been wonderful with me about it.

Also, are you on medication for your anxiety/ocd/depression and/or seeing a therapist? It might help you handle the stress better!

We are now a little over a month from our wedding and there are times I stop and think how proud I am of myself that I have managed my stress so well, the best part is that the stress hasn’t really been there! I’m so excited about the upcomming wedding that my mind doesn’t really allow it to come out. And believe me, January of this year…that was so NOT the case lol

Now that we are actually in the grind of it all, there is no limbo per se of “I have to do this still, I have to do that”, we are actually doing these tasks and crossing them off the list. Everytime something gets crossed off, its like another sigh of relief πŸ™‚


You’ll be fine! I hope your Fiance is feeling better πŸ™‚


Post # 7
24 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014

You are not alone my dear!! Don’t forget that.

I’m so sorry that you have to deal with all of the planning of a wedding on top of your FI’s illness. One or the other are plenty stressful enough without the looming cloud of Anxiety/OCD. I just got engaged and we haven’t even begun planning and my tummy is a mess. I know you are close to the wedding date but if you can schedule an hour, a day, to NOT think about anything wedding related-pretend it doesn’t even exist for those moments and read, meditate, do yoga, go for a walk, take a long bath, etc.

I get anxiety so bad sometimes that I get the runs-like 5 seconds to get to the bathroom runs!! My worst fear is literally crapping myself at my wedding. Do you think I could hide a diaper under my dress?

I hope that made you laugh. We are all hot messes sometimes (some more than others-me included!!) Don’t let yourself think that it isn’t ok to be a mess sometimes. No one is perfect. Laugh, cry, whatever emotions you need to feel right now are OK. *HUGS*

Post # 8
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ks224:  We got engaged last July, by september i was at the begining stages of planning, was having panic attacks and was missing work because i couldnt get out of bed.  I was disagnosed with depression and anxiety and put on medication. I’ve been seeing a counsellor ever since.  

I’ve said through the whole entire planning process that the only thing i am looking forward to is when we get back to the hotel after the wedding. it will probably be the first and only time i will have relaxed in a year.  

So yes, i get it.  Its so hard to admit that even though this is suppose to be the happiest time of my life, i was completely overwhelmed and panicy to the point that i needed meds.  The meds and counselling literally changed my life.  

I’m 2 weeks away from the wedding now, and am surprisingly calm. i got ALOT done early, AND i hired a wedding planner.  I know that there is no way i could have pulled it off and not had a mental break down without her.  

I’m worried about being super anxiious the day of, but i’m prepared alot mentally and if i need to take 10 minutes away, i’m going to allow myself that.  

Post # 9
1 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ks224:  OMG I feel your pain. I am also getting married on October 5, 2013 and have recently started medication for Anxiety. I am a user on semi-regular here but my family is unaware of my issues so thought I would play it safe.

For the past few weeks all excitement / happiness etc for wedding has gone due to my crippling anxiety. I have been struggling at work & at home and had next to no motivation to plan my wedding (or do anything else). Its horrible πŸ™

Last week I couldn’t take it anymore, and decided to see my doctor. I have been prescribed meds (SSRI – Fluvoxamine) and hoping they start to work soon. Its crazy for me because I do not usually even take panadol, let alone depression meds!

Its a relief to know there are others out there in a similar boat to me and Im not the only one. Good luck with everything and hopefully our mojo’s return prior to the big day πŸ˜‰

Post # 10
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yep, I definitely can relate to the posts in this thread. Big hugs to all you Bees <3

With just 9 months to go, we still have to have meetings with lots of vendors. And right now, I have absolutely no motivation for it all. Of course I want to marry my Fiance, but oh my God, who thought the WEDDING would have to be this hard?

Why am I feeling un-motivated? Dealing with in-laws stress, everyone putting their own opinion and thinking it will trump ours, a good friend of mine passed away a week ago and I’ve been having constant panic attacks since then – for the first time in at least 2 years. Plus, I’m finishing up my studies and having to find work like, yesterday – because we can’t afford to plan our wedding / live our married life on FI’s income. I’ve never had a job due to my anxiety and… no one understands why.

Post # 11
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Mild OCD and anxiety, which I treat with CBT rather than meds. For me, the planning was the secret to actually being able to relax and enjoy the day, so that part of my experience might not be super helpful to you! I spent a lot of time thinking through possible contingencies and planning for them — both practical things like “Hey, we don’t have ushers — how will everyone know when and where to sit?” to “What happens if my sister-in-law throws a hissy fit at the reception?” Thinking and talking through things left me confident that we could handle whatever came up on that day.

It sounds like you’re having a lot of stuff related to social anxiety and fear and shame though — what if he doesn’t feel well? what if people are mad about the hotel location? what if your control of your emotions doesn’t meet other people’s standards or your own standards?

All I can say on that account, and what helped me for some of my crazier fears — was radical self-acceptance. The feelings that you’re feeling might not be pleasant, but it’s OK for you to feel them. My goodness, it would be strange and concerning if you WEREN’T concerned about your husband, given his ongoing issues! And it’s practically a cliche at this point that brides get overwhelmed and emotional on the wedding day. On that day, of all days, any anxiety behaviors you have will probably be considered within the range of normal!

That last part is what helped me the most, because I get locked into a shame-anxiety cycle. Telling myself that there would be a solid reason for feeling any way I felt on that day actually took a lot of the anxiety away. This might be helpful to you.

Another thing — on the day, make sure you have some strategies built in to deal with whatever your fears are. I had breakfast ALONE on my wedding day because I get weird with food when I’m nervous. I made sure that I had some bathroom time alone before the dress went on too, as a PP said. You can build in little breaks where you, or you and your fiance, or you and your BFF, or whatever, can be alone to recenter so you don’t get overwhelmed.

Finally — you said you’re diagnosed, so I would imagine that you’re seeing a counselor on a regular basis. If you’re not, you should start if at all possible. Sure, a lot of your fears are wedding based, but having a good arsenal of cognitive-behavioral processes (and/or a good prescription) will be a super big help in getting this whole thing managed.

Post # 12
14 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am so happy you started this thread OP! I am definitely benefiting from some of the suggestions offered to you. The last poster has prompted me to make an appt with my dr. prior to the wedding date just to talk about things. I haven’t been since I have gotten engaged and it wouldn’t hurt to stop in. I just need so much reassurance. I think that a lot of my issues stem from feeling judged and not accepted and what not. I don’t know how I got this way but it is no fun!

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