- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Hello my dear bees,
please forgive me for the long rant. i just feel so overwhelmed at the moment with all of the changes that are going to be happening in my life in the next couple of months.
This month is pretty exciting for me, I have 2 more school exams, which if I write successfully will allow me to get my degree! Finally! Its been a long 4 years! Also, right after my exams Fiance and I are going to start looking for an apartment so we can move in together June 1st.
Yes, I am excited. But I am also so nervous.
exams: while Im confident that I will do well, there is a tiny bit of concern that I might not pass one of my courses. this would mean that I am not eligible to graduate in June. If thats the case, I will have to go back for a full year of school, just for one course, take out more student debt, and this would prevent me from having a full time job.
degree: while I am happy to be getting my degree, its not exactly the one I initially planned to achieve. the story around this is long and I dont want to go into much detail except to say I made a mistake in my second year of university and changed my majors…
moving in together: while I am over the moon about our new engagement and about the fact that both of us are going to start our own life together very soon, it scares me to death. Neither of us are fully financially stable. It will probably take us close to a year to find full time jobs, build savings, and be eligible for a mortgage. I know some of you may say, why dont you live with your parents until you are more than financially ready to live together? Well, we have been together for 4 years, Ill be 25 in May, and he will be 29, so we are at the age that we dont really want to be living with our parents anymore. the way I look at it is, yes it will be very hard in the beginning, but at least we’ll be together.
job searching: this one is perhaps what concerns me the most. Come May, I will have to begin to actively look for a full time job. The current part time I have right now will just get me buy, it will pay the bills once we live together but wont give me any wiggle room. Overall I make around 900$ a month at the moment. I am currently going through police testing services to get my certificate and apply to police forces. But this could be a very long process, as two of my friends have recieved this certificate months ago and still cannot find employment in the many police departments they applied to. So, I need an alternative just in case this process takes a long time. For one of my really good friends, it took over a year to get hired (he had plenty more experience than me). So, i need to find other sources of employment at the moment. hopefully, the fact that I have a Bachelors will increase my chances.
Wdding: initially we planned to marry May 2014. This decision was partly due to the financial fact. At first I thought that I wanted a big beautiful wedding, with invitation cards, centrepieces, gift favours, bridesmaids, the whole shebang. But as I think about it, the only thing that really matters to me is just being married. A marriage, versus the wedding. the people in my life fall into 2 categories: the 1st says “If youre not comfortable will blowing thousands of dollars on a wedding, dont. Have a simple ceremony with closest people in your life. If you do it this way you can get married much sooner.” The 2nd group says “youre only going to do this once, and if you dont have a big wedding you will regret it”. i am torn.
Forgive me for the long rant. BUt I feel so overwhelmed with everything at the moment.
My biggest concern of all is how I feel, emotionally, because of this. For the first time in my life Im beginning to feel as if I cant control how I react to little things. Lately, the litttlest things aggravate me. i feel frustrated with everything. Today, I wanted to cry, just because my dad and my brother didnt take out the garbage like I asked them to, and it was stinking up the whole kitche. Its freaking stupid to react this way, I completely understand. But lately I just cant control my emotions…. 🙁