(Closed) Feeling pressure from church while waiting

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
875 posts
Busy bee

Just wanted to send you a note of loving kindness, and also a gentle word not of judgement, but rather of compassion.  I am so glad that you have come back to faith!  As a young person, our lifestyles sometimes get in the way of our faith.  It sounds like you have nothing to be ashamed of and so therefore you were hurt by your cousin’s questions.  You don’t want to move out, because you know that you are just living in the same physical apt or house with more than one resident.  However, your cousin isn’t aware of the same facts that you are aware of and you think it’s not really any of her business.  But as a person of faith, you need to realize that being in a church community means respecting the church’s traditions, and taking the time to listen to the wisdom behind them.  I understand that from your point of view, moving out would do more damage to your significant other’s faith, but from your Sunday school teacher’s point of view, she believes that you are hurting your relationship with God.  When you are part of a church community, you are representing that community to others who are not apart of the community.  Your cousin believes that being in a sexual relationship prior to marriage is to be considered living in sin.  (Before, I am judged for that statement, let me also state that there has been a long standing tradition of using that phrase for living together outside the bonds of marriage.)  But you are sharing that your actual living situation is not quite as it seems to be… because you aren’t sleeping with SO and there is another roommate (who might be a chaperone of sorts…to use an old term).  Therefore, you did speak up about the roommate, but were shy about the non physical relationship.  (You probably need to share that fact, and the fact that you believe that changing your living arrangement may hurt someone else’s relationship to God.)  I know it sounds awful.  But it also may help both of you in the long run be in a fully committed relationship to each other as well as to your Creator!  I’ll be praying for you to have a compassionate listener who will try to figure out how to make things work out for your return to faith to be complete!

Post # 18
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I will start this off by saying that I was raised Catholic but am not anymore, purely because I couldn’t reconcile my personal beliefs with theirs.

My nan is one fo the most dedicated catholics you will ever meet. She goes to church a few times each week, and was fortunate enough that she didn’t have to work so she has spent nearly 50 years as a volunteer. Even now, in her late 80s, she volunteers with the young women’s association.

When I moved in with my boyfriend I asked my nan if she was OK with it. She told me that the times have changed and while the church hasnt necessarily moved forward with its views, God has.

She believes that being Catholic isnt about judging people for their decisions, but supporting them what what they decide.

God won’t judge you for living with your boyfriend and I think you will find the majority of your church is understanding to your situation. Try not to let what some people think get to you – they are being judgemental in a place that doesnt concern them.

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