(Closed) Feeling pressure from family

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@busybee3791:  Yep.  I was feeling it about a year ago.  I’m sorry that you are dealing with this now…..families can be the WORST because it’s easy to brush off most opinions but we do tend to value what our families say more than anyone else’s.  

SO and I have decided to leave the state we currently live in once he finishes school.  He wants to get a job in a different state and I live where I was born and raised so I’m eager to leave and experience something new.

I told my dad this as we thought he would be finishing school last December.  My dad told me ‘That’s stoopid!  I can see you leaving for a husband or if you had a ring, or maybe if you had a job to move for but I think that’s stupid’.  He said it like that in a text, and I think he said ‘stoopid’ to not really call me ‘stupid’ but it REALLY hurt my feelings.  And it caused a lot of fights between me and my SO because I felt like I needed a ring to make my dad happy and give him peace of mind. (side note:  I don’t recommend the useless fighting because of your parents/families opinions and I really wish I hadn’t have gone that route)

We probably won’t be leaving until next year at this point so my family has had time to get used to the idea.

It’s like this-It’s up to YOU to be confident about your relationship with your man and show support.  I’ve told my parents that I want to marry my SO and he has made it clear that he wants to marry me and plans to ask after he finishes school and gets a job.  This means I’ll be moving without a ring.  It means I’ll probably be 31 or 32 and we will have been together possibly 5 years.

I think something else that helped me and my relationship with both my parents and my SO is that I opened a wedding savings account.  It’s not to cause pressure to my SO, it’s just that he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to buy my ring or have a wedding on credit.  I feel that saving a little every paycheck proves to everyone that I support my future husband in his decision to be financially sound, and shows that I do trust him when he says that it’s going to happen.

I know that a lot of people do get engaged quicker.  I know that a lot of people have no problems making their next steps on credit.  It’s not for everyone and honestly, I’m proud that we are doing it this way and I think you should too.  Your SO sounds very smart and it makes sense that he would want to make it past his probationary period and then move on to the next step of your life.  I also think it’s important to remind other people, family even more so, that everyone has their own personal journey and there is no cookie cutter formula for a marrage to happen.  Sorry this is a little long haha!!

Hang in there and good luck!!

Post # 4
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@busybee3791:  I knew what my parents were thinking, before, but they are such reserved people so at most they said (twice in a year and a half period) was you can use laceydoilie’s sister’s place for a reception so it doesn’t cost too much and we have $x available for your wedding. His family, on the other hand, pressured him like crazy. It’s really difficult but you have to just let it roll off because it’s really none of their business. All you can do is do your best to ignore what they are saying.  It really does suck. A lot.

Post # 5
337 posts
Helper bee

@veryberry13:  I needed to read this right now! thanks for writing this up, I am currently going through a down time due to a convo with my bf and this helped me see that I love him, even if we take longer than I thought we would to get engaged…waiting sucks, at least I know that I have such an amazing man and it’s a matter of time 🙂


Post # 6
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@cherriesandcream:  haha it was a little bit long winded and but I”m glad that it helped.

Waiting can be hard, but I just keep telling myself that at least when whenver we DO finally make the next move, it’s going to be very worth it. 

Hang in there!!

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