Post # 1
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
FH’s best friend/best man at our wedding just told us that his wife is pregnant. We are really happy for them, of course. FH and I are not TTC anytime soon, in part due to practicalities (careers, we live 1.5 hours apart during the week for the next 2.5-3 years) and in part my own issues (not emotionally ready). It seems like there are so many people having kids, many who are younger (we are 31), been married less time (almost 2 years) and not as financially secure as we are. For example, my brother and SIL are 4 years younger than us, got married a few months before us and already have a baby who is a year old and they make a lot less financially, and they make it work. While I am really thrilled for all of these people, it just feels a little weird, like there is this added pressure that we should be having kids too. I know that is a very poor reason to decide to have a baby. Has anyone else ever felt this way? I am hoping that you bees can help me articulate what I am feeling and make me feel a little less alone. Thanks!
ETA: I think part of what is making this hard is that last time we had talked, their plan was very similar to ours- not for a few more years, so it seems like even the people who thought like us are now having babies.
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I know what you mean! Just look at the hostesses and most of them are having babies right now and I feel so alone being one of the few that isn’t TTC or already has a kid! Plus a lot of people at work have kids or are having kids and people keep asking when we will too. I’m not really ready and my husband and I aren’t in a great place because he is always working on school or HW so we barely have time together.
Post # 4
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
I feel that way. I KNOW there are still things I want to do before I have a baby. I like my “me” time way too much and I want more time with just my husband. Plus, we just bought a house and I’m still looking for full time work. Also, I’d like to be able to stay at home when we have kids and we’re not there yet. But I feel the pressure too, it seems like everyone is having a baby. SIL just announced her pregnancy and she seemed like the last person who even wanted a baby. So yeah, I feel you on the pressure. But I just look at it as a baby is a lifetime committment and personally, we want to hold off a bit before making that committment!
Post # 5
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
You are not alone!! I just wrote a post about kids and I am with you- the fact that we dont want kids for the practical reasons. Can I handle a child? yea, do I want to handle a child if it was my choice? hell no!! I want “us” time to!! I want to be able to do what I want when I want with out worrying about children. Dont let others make you feel bad, just be happy for them and go home and enjoy your life!!
Post # 6
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
I’m a big advocate of have kids when you’re ready not anyone else’s timeline. I married around the same time as you. In our first year of marriage, I wasn’t ready for kids. I wanted to have a marriage that wasn’t solely about kids by waiting a few years before we started trying. In that time, everyone and their mother has gotten pregnant. It was hard because I knew that I wanted it more and more and was getting more ready for it in our second year of marriage versus our first. For us, last year wasn’t the right time for it. In nearly two years of marriage, we’ve increased our savings and built amazing friendships. I don’t begrudge myself the enjoyment of it when I could have been having kids. I think our marriage is better for our two years of marriage before kids. Hopefully during our September vacation, we’ll conceive! Now, I’m ready and excited for the challenge of kids. Honestly, have kids when you’re really ready for it. It’s your timeline, no one else’s.
Post # 7
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
I think that its normal to feel that pressure but if you are not ready or whatever, dont do it. You have to have your own timeline for when you want to have children.