(Closed) Feeling pretty down..

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I know a lot of people feel this way … I was one of them a while ago!

Sometimes it is difficult to see friends and family members getting engaged, married, having kids, etc. and feeling like you’re kind of stuck in a rut in your own relationship.  I guess I’m kind of lucky in the sense that I probably have more single and/or dating/living together friends than engaged and/or married friends … But that didn’t change the fact that sometimes I wondered, “Will we ever do this?”

I know this really isn’t what you want to hear, but I’d give it some time.  27 doesn’t feel that young sometimes, I know (I’m 28), but it’s not old either.  You mentioned that you already live together, and that can be an important step towards getting engaged for many people (it was for my fiance and I).  I’m not saying you should wait around forever, but the two of you may have different ideas about when the “right time” to get married is.

That being said, you do need to talk to him about this.  Ask him what he sees for your future together.  Communication is key!  

Post # 4
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

every relationship moves at its own pace. comparing yours to others will get you nowhere good. focus on your relationship and happiness in that relationship.

Have you and your bf talked marriage yet? If not, you should have an open conversation about it to see if you are both on the same page about it.  

Post # 5
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

you’ve only been together for a year, you are still young. i’d give it some more time. you cant expect to be ready to pop the question after a short amount of time. he probably isnt at that stage yet.

youre not in a race with your family and friends, as long as you and your SO are on the same page about the future, then youre fine knowing that someday it will happen.

Post # 6
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’ll admit that I have felt the same way.  For example, last month I had the painful realization that a couple (mutual friends of ours) had been married, purchased a home, adopted a dog together, and just had their first child… and during all that time we were dating and we are still just dating!!! I think it is a natural feeling every once in a while, but you can’t let it consume you! 

If you haven’t discussed getting married lately, talk to your SO about it.  Tell him how you feel just like you told us bees how you feel.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Every couple is different, but I know that after SO and I’s first year together, we were still very much caught up in the emotional rush and excitement of starting a relationship and starting to build a life together. I would say I didn’t even start wanting marriage until year 3 or 4… and SO until year 6!! So be prepared to have to “shut it” about marriage and stay put for a while if your feelings for your SO are strong enough to want to make it work. 

Everyone’s individual feelings run on their own timelines so if something is bothering you, communicate it to your SO instead of letting your concerns build and build, risking a major emotional meltdown somewhere along the line (speaking from experience here!) 

Believe me, I have been there with that feeling of watching everybody else (and I mean EVERYBODY else) “pass” us as a couple. We know several couples who met, married, and had their first child all while we were “dating.” Heck, one of our friends was married to someone ELSE when we first me him, since divorced, remarried, and became a father… and yep, SO & I were still just “dating.” Everyone else’s good news just seemed to reinforce that I wasn’t “good enough” for marriage, etc.

But when your turn does come… it’s all worth it 🙂

Post # 8
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

 I know how you feel, I expect 2 people very close to us will become engaged this holiday season and we have been dating for more than 2 years longer than either of these couples. I feel bad about having those jealous feelings too!

It can get difficult, but I would talk to him and make sure you are on at least a similar page. That does help me a lot… I know its at least on his mind and what he wants so hopefully it is on the horizon….

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