(Closed) Feeling pretty s****y today…..

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

While I know how good it feels to cold shoulder so to speak when we are hurt, we must look at the bigger picture of our relationships to see if it is acutally going to be more detrimental in the long run.

I know your breast cancer out weighs almsot anything else imaginable, but I also know that men think and act differently then us ladies do! He may well operate under the no news is good news, plus he was over tired perhaps and in some pain.

I hope you guys can talk about it, make sure he knows how you felt and kiss and make up. Tommorow is a new day and another chance at making things better.

Also random: I’m glad everythign went okay!!


Post # 4
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It sounds like you are blowing it a little out of proportion. If the appointment a big deal to you (which it sounds like it really is), maybe he should go to the appointment with you like he offered. If you have good or bad news from your visit at the hospital you need to tell him, you shouldn’t expect him to pry information.

I hope it went good though 🙂

Post # 5
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Fingers crossed for you that everything is still good for you on the BC front.

How often does he do this?  Is this something that is normal for him or could he just have somehow missed it and now is more pissed at himself therefore doing the famous guy – Oh shit i f-ed up but if I make it about me being pissed at her she will forget about being pissed at me – thing.  Darling Husband is famous for trying that BS.  To the point where for three months I wrote down everytime he did it.  After showing that to him, he now trys that shit and I point it out so he just sits and listens why I am pissed.


Post # 7
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think I would feel just like you do.  And probably respond in the same manner. Breast Cancer is a huge deal, and I would think he should be concerned about how it went. 

Post # 10
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Vintage-me:  So sorry you felt that way!  My mom just had her 1 year “anniversary” of survival.  It is a HUGE DEAL.  But, not everyone will always remember it like you want them to.  I completely understand what you’re saying and why it hurt your feelings.  I am the same way and would have gotten upset.  

I think at this point all you can do it sit him down and explain why it upset you.  Explain that every time you go to the doctor now for the rest of your life is a big deal.  

Post # 11
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MrsCoachBtoBee: Ah, I got here 43 minutes too late because you said that perfectly.

@Vintage-me: I would have lots of hurt feelings, too!  Men can be completely oblivious and dumb sometimes.  I would definitely take a breather for the evening and then sit him down to talk.  Make him understand how important it was and how he made you feel.  I’m sure you two can work this out and he’ll know better for next time.  I’m really thankful that your appointment went well, by the way! 🙂

Post # 12
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Juliepants:  Thank you!  Sometimes it seems like good comments get overlooked around here. 🙂

Post # 13
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Vintage-me: I would be doing the same, you know the cold shoulder just-so-you-know-I’m-mad-at-you, will it be right? (Not being mad at the moment) I don’t think so.

It’ll be a good idea to talk to him and tell him how you feel: “I was mad you didn’t ask about my appointment cause I get really nervious about this and I need to feel you care”. No matter what you do I hope everything goes well.

PS: The entire post I was wondering: so how did things go? Glad everything’s ok.

Post # 14
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That was insanely passive agressive of you regardless of your reasoning. You should have left the discussion so you could talk like an adult about your hurt feelings after you’ve both cooled down.

Yes, breast cancer trumps a toothache but that in no shape or form gives you the right to be so passive agressive and take a stab at an obviously agitated man.

You are in the wrong as was he. And you’ll both need to apologize. Hopefully you can let the anger cool, and discuss your hurt feelings, and apologize for the agressive fight starting text. And I’m not just harping on you, he was wrong for not asking about your appointment.

Post # 15
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think you should have brought it up after you asked if he needed anything. what stoppped you from saying, “oh btw, i have a couple things to talk to you about from my doc appt”.  i will also say that my husband can take pain really well, but when ig comes the tooth pain, he is alsolutely miserable and not fun to be around. im sure had his tooth not been hurting, he would have

Post # 16
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Has anyone who has posted on here had cancer?  I have, twice.  I’m 4 years out and I nearly have a heart attack every time I have to go for a checkup.   Saying he needed handling with kid gloves because he had toothache is pathetic and treating him like a child. He needed to stop being such a fucking child and ask his Fiance how she got on. Where did he think she had been?

I learnt when I was first diagnosed at the age of 21 that without your health you have nothing.  I’ve also told my Fiance that no matter what, I will always put my health first.

I can understand why you are so upset OP.  Until you get the all clear (and I pray that you will) he should understand that emotionally you will be sensitive about this. 

You have every right to be angry. 

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