- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
*Disclamer – I am having a bit of a rant I know, and I may come off as a bit selfish or self centered.
*I am the second youngest of a large family, 4 Sisters, 2 Step Sisters and 2 Brothers.
*We have four kids and have been with my Hubby to Be for 13yrs.
My sibings are allways teaing me for getting the most attention, better presents, the better school, the eaiser life ect…
And I really have just given up trying to correct them, as a kid our Mum did spoil me a bit; she felt at fault that she broke up with my Dad – he was abusive – that was his fault and I never once accused her or pinned fault on her.
But as we grew up, I was that kid sister on the side. The quite one sitting by the wall at family parties and other events.
And now that I am getting Married and excited to talk about things; like my dress and dress regret, decor and the food… I am being overbearing. ? What ?
I have been asked not by siblings to tone it down but by my Hubby To Be on my siblings behalf!
I dont see how me asking my sisters and Mum to come dress shopping, or come look at my venue ideas is being too overbearing. I wanted one of those movie moments where we cry and laugh and plan it all together.
And because no one wants to help, G*d forbid I hired a Wedding Planner!
I am a bit of a controling person, I like things being in my control, I like the warm feeling I get when a job is done and done well. I like it when people look at me and smile and say ‘Great job! Well Done!’
But I have never planned a Wedding and I am conerned about making a mistake, you know the ones you hear about where peope get swindled out of $1000’s with bad venues and vendors.
I want my family to SEE me, to HEAR me and know that I am becoming a strong woman that is 26yrs old now. I am not that shy 16yr old anymore, I dont want to be “Bubba” anymore (my nickname).
I feel pushed aside yet again because I am not as sucessful as my siblings, who range from Teachers, Managers, Emergancy Services, Miners and Super Supreme House Wife.
I dont want to spend my life having a perfect clean home, I want to be outside with my kids, painting and making cookies, having PJ parties and eating popcorn whilst having a Sailor Moon Marathon.
I have never had mold, slime or any other gross things growing at my house. But I still get looks like someone will find something gross if they sit on my couch.
I do admit my son has a habbit of collecting things, he is a boy! OMG! He likes snails and worms.
My kids are growing up to be great smart kids, my eldest wants to go Paris for Art School, my second eldest wants to be a Nurse and play electric gutair, my middle child wants to be an actress in Princess movies, and my youngest wants to be a Car. (He is 3 nearly 4 and thinks Transformers are real)
I am a writer, I love to write, and yes my chosen path is hard and I am yet to have anything really published and mainstream. I am making next to Zero $$ but I am following my dream and teaching my kids to fight and be strong, to believe in yourself and it will be hard but that doesnt mean you should give up.
I have been looking for part time work where I can, night work, retail, cleaning, pizza places ect… I havent been fussy but most of the work I get offered is direct selling (door knocking and based on commision) and thats not really what I need or want.
I am not perfect and I will make mistakes but they are my mistakes to learn from and I have an amazing man standing right beside me to help where he can.
Sorry for being a bit rambling, I really just need to get it off my chest. Its funny how much just typing all this down makes me feel a bit lighter and how this has lifted the dark cloud over my head.
Thankyou for reading.