Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2011 - Malvern Baptist church
I post to this particular page often, mostly because I am still waiting on my ring in layaway and this actually helps me.
My question is, has anyone ever felt like they “pushed” their man to get them a ring? Like in my case, when we got engaged, he brought up the subject of marriage first, but I am the one who brought up the rings first. I didn’t just blurt out “do I get a ring” I eased into it. And not because I really wanted one (even though I did) but because I thought that was part of getting engaged…
But anyways. I asked him if we were going to just get wedding bands or if he was going to get me a set. He says “what’s that”! I guess because his mom doesn’t have wedding rings it was normal for him not to think about it. He says he was planning on getting one and didn’t know they even came in sets, but I can’t help but wonder if he was going to get me one at all. I hate feeling like I pushed him into buying me a ring. Espicially since the first set we got wasn’t real, and I started hinting at a real set…
Has anyone else ever felt like this, or did I possibly push him? I hate to think I did, and I appologize for it often. He swares he is only doing it because he wants to, but I sometimes feel like I’m slightly more excited than he is, which is understandable since its usually the girls who dream of wedding rings and not the guys. But yeah, is anyone else in this situation?
Post # 3
I’m confused, are you already married? If so I can see how it would be a little strange from his perspective that you want an engagement ring. You could try explaining that you like the style of a “set” or “stacked rings” and that you want something that will last forever. CZ and sterling silver is nice for a while but won’t hold up to years of wear and tear. Ultimately it’s what YOU have to wear so it should be something YOU like.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
I felt like this when we purchased my first stone (which had a fracture). I arranged for a cutter to bring down a stone for him to purchase, a very rare sapphire. Note that this cutter is very good, and this fracture situation wasnt known till a master gemologist magnified the stone 1000 times. The stone despite this fracture is actually still worth 2-3 times what we paid and can be set in a different setting just not the one for my ering due to the tension. I felt it was forcing because of the time frame, and fiance at first wanted to pick the stone on his own. He then realised quickly that color of gemstones is very different stone to stone and that its something that is very personal. He also realised the place we were looking at previously was going to hose him on costs, and he didnt know where else to look. I knew quickly crap from quality and the tricks of the trade and where to get deals. In the end the second stone we chose I picked as well so I no longer felt pressuring. I especially felt this way when he arranged to have the first stone set within 8 weeks of purchase, and then he got antsy when they took longer than anticipated to set the second stone. He was just as eager to get the ring in :). So dont feel bad men dont sign themselves up for payment plans if they’re not eager to get it done.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Malvern Baptist church
@RiverBride13: We have been married for a little over a year. The ring we decided on when we were engaged is CZ and sterling because we couldn’t afford anything better at the time. It has tarnished and the stone is scratched and it looks awful. I have had to send it back 3 times since we got it to have it shined up and each time they keep it for about 6 weeks. I actually need to send it back again because of how bad it looks, but I hate not having it on because it feels so strange and people ask if everything is alright when I don’t have it on. I mentioned to him that the one I wanted would last longer and I wouldn’t have to send it back all the time, and he understands that. I think it’s a mental thing with me feeling like I’m asking too much. The one we are getting really isn’t costing us as much as we thought it would because we got a great deal on it. I guess it’s one of those things where part of me feels like getting a new one because of duribility isn’t so bad, but then there is the guilt side that feels like he is spending too much on me.
Post # 6
I feel like I was a little pushy. We’ve been dating almost 10 years, by then you should know if you want to spend the rest of your life with me!
Post # 7
I pushed my previous fiancee in to buying me a ring, and by ‘buying me a ring’ I meant that I bought it myself, but I digress.
Clearly in that situation, I pushed him and shouldn’t have, because he obviously wasn’t ready, nor was I really in love with him. However, in your case, since you’re alreday married, I don’t think you are being ‘pushy’ guys need to be nudged sometimes, and clearly they don’t spend as much time thinking about the ring as we do!
Post # 8
man need little bit pushing, it is natural and also he says he wants to. So dont feel guilty about it and enjoy
Post # 9
Sounds like he just didn’t know what was involved, not that you’re pushy.
I was lucky in that I didn’t need to be pushy about ring details because the budget and carat size he first propopsed were too big rather than small or non-existant… But, if he would have been oblivious like yours (and surely lots of men) I may have had to approach it similar to you. i’d have been ok with no diamond (I don’t like cz but I do like just a precious metal wedding band) BUT i really would have liked an engagement ring as well (even with a little melee diamond) so I’m sure I would have hinted at that if it seemed necessary.
For me, the traditional gold wedding bands for each of us the most important symbol, but a engagement ring with some kind of diamond in it to sit on the outside of the woman’s wedding band was also somewhat important to me as a symbol. It’s what I always saw growing up as “the” symbol of marriage.