- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I’m not sure how to begin…Lately I’ve just felt so very sad about life. I’m going to have to spare certain details because I wouldn’t want anyone making a connection to who I am outside of the bee, just in case…
Currently I am underemployed and barely make enough money to live comfortably. I have a college degree that’s basically worthless (lib arts variety), and I have to live with a relative because I can’t afford to live in my own place. I’m getting married soon and am very happy about it, but he’s a teacher and doesn’t make jack shit either. He’s also in debt now because of getting that degree. I find myself constantly comparing myself to everyone around me now who is around my age group (26-35). Everyone is so much more successful that we are. We can’t afford anything and are nearing the time when we have to move out.
For a long time I’ve been working towards applying to a nursing school program, a second degree, and suddenly I’ve lost all interest. I’m so jaded with our society and the unhealthiness that has overtaken us that I have no desire to take care of patients. I currently work in the health care field so I’m exposed to it daily. It just pisses me off to no end how badly we take care of ourselves, and I don’t want to manage anyone’s chronic illness because of their poor choices and refusal to take some presonal responsibility. It’s awful, I’ve just completely lost all pastion to take care of the sick.
With that attitude I really start hating myself because I’m also the unhealthiest I’ve ever been, and I know it’s taking a toll on me emotionally. I’m out of shape and I’m so depressed I can barely find the motivation to get up and excersise. I have a fracture that will never heal which makes a lot of activities I used to enjoy, like tennis, running, basketball, walking around in general, a painful endeavor. This is a fine detail I really can’t share just in case, but let’s just say it’s never going to fuse, that’s why I say it’s never going to heal.
In short: We don’t know what we’re doing with our lives. We don’t know what our career goals are anymore. We know what we want, but we will never get it because we can’t afford it and didn’t pick the right career path. He is miserable in his profession and I’m now completely lost as to what I want to do. I know I can’t sit around and make the peanuts I make now, and I feel like I’ve lost the spirit I had when I graduated college nearly 4 years ago.
There is one little thing though, that’s important. I am desperate to move back abroad, and he’s interestd too, but I feel like I’m more invested in it than he is because I have no idea what to do with myself here. I don’t feel like going and getting another job is the right choice for me right now because we want to move in the next year and a half. I need some help, bees, I’ve been in this state so long I just don’t know how to stop comparing myself to people my age making more money and who have more interesting and stimulating careers.
If you have ever felt the same way, please let me know how you got through it….