(Closed) Feeling really stressed/need to vent about a few things… (Long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow…first of all…breathe! I would recommend taking a week off of wedding planning. Don’t do ANYTHING wedding related. At all. Nothing. Don’t even think about your wedding. Go out with your Fiance, go out with friends, read a book, whatever you want. It will give you a break and help take some of the stress away.

Next, on dealing with the FSIL’s wedding: I can offer some insight from the OTHER side. We’re getting married 3 months after my Future Sister-In-Law. Initially she was upset with us for the date and even our colors because she thought it was too close to hers. It was never, ever our intention to do anything to steal her thunder. In fact, that’s why we picked to get married in October instead of have the April wedding that we wanted. I think it’s right for you to just keep mum on a lot of your wedding plans to them. Include them on the details that are relevant to them and let the rest be a surprise. But..keep in mind that her wedding is after yours so she could still steal your ideas once your wedding roles around. I think after both weddings happen you’ll realize that it really isn’t THAT big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. It’s not worth ruining a relationships with your new in-laws. That being said, it was REALLY crappy and shady of her buy the exact same dress. But it sounds like she has bought a different dress so I’d just be the bigger person and let that one go.

Finally, I’m really sorry about your mom’s lack of interest. That is a hard thing to deal with. Could you maybe explain to her that it really hurts your feelings when she shows such a lack of interest? Enjoy talking to your sister about things whenever you can and maybe call on some of your other bridesmaids. Enjoy talking to your Fiance. It sounds like he’s at least willing to talk about things even if he isn’t the best in terms of DIY projects. Maybe switch up some of your projects to be something he IS good at that way it will be personal for him as well as you AND it takes some of the load off of you. Is he good at building things? Have him build something. Is he a music buff? Give him that task, etc. Find SOMETHING he can do. It will help you cross something off your list and help him feel included because if he’s anything like my guy it’s a blow to his ego every time he messes up one of your projects that he knows means a lot to you.

 

Good luck and seriously take that break for a few days! You deserve it.

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Wow!!!

This made me stressed just reading it. I would hate to have to live it.

I totally agree with eeh. Take some time just for you. Even if you can just go to the next town over and spend a couple of nights at a hotel. You need a definate break.

Post # 5
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh wow, my blood pressure rose just now.  That is a LOT of stress!  Mostly the part about your Future Sister-In-Law buying the exact same dress!  It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law intentionally steered her towards your dress!!  That is totally shady.  I really think you don’t need to worry so much about your copycat Future Sister-In-Law.  Honestly, if her wedding is AFTER yours, then it will look just that; copied.  Since everyone will already have seen all the same things at your wedding, hers will seem like an afterthought.  And anyway, every wedding is different.  Even if she had your dress, your colors, your decor, your flowers, it will STILL  look like a completely different wedding no matter how much she tries.  Weddings are something you just can’t copy.  Try not to freak out about it.

For your Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, get the word out about what happened and explain that you need them to order their dresses ASAP.  It’s not a democracy, it’s your wedding.  Who cares if they want to complain about strapless or whatever??  The still have to buy and wear it.  Just ignore them.  I’m sure that part of your FSIL’s issues have to do with planning her own wedding, so she may be really stressed out as well.  Try to take her emotional outbursts with a grain of salt.

Post # 7
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It sounds like you don’t have much of a support system, which is such a bummer!  Especially since your mom is being so distant and your in-laws aren’t being cool about your wedding.  Maybe if you sat down with your mom and explained how much she is hurting you by suggesting you don’t have your dream wedding and by not being part of it she will come around. Sometimes they just need a little reality check.. lol..  I know I had to jump my mom’s case just 2 weeks ago because she couldn’t remember how to spell my new last name.  Bad mommy!

As for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses.. I think they get put off a lot becasue everyone is hoping they’ll loose weight before the wedding and they want to give themselves as much time as possible.  I’ve been guilty of doing the same thing.  It really sucks that you have to order new dresses now though!  Is it possible that you could just add straps to FSIL’s dress to make her happy?  If you want them all to match I understand but it might be an easy fix if you don’t mind a little variation.

I also agree that you should quit sharing your wedding plans with the in’laws.  She may steal your ideas no matter what but at least that way you didn’t hand them to her on a silver platter.  I think this happens a lot because people don’t see enough weddings so they base their choices on what they’ve heard and she has heard so many great ideas from you.  Though it is super annoying it’s also a compliment.

I hope you can take a break and come back refreshed and destressed!  Good Luck!!

Post # 8
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Another vote for taking a break.  A day after I broke and cried that I was stressed out about trying to juggle all the stuff, Fiance packed up my DIY projects (nicely!) and took me out to dinner, out for book browsing and coffee, and then to a late movie.  It was perfect, it was exactly what I needed.

It’s easy to let this wedding stuff take over your life.  I totally understand.  But you need to take a step back, even just a small one, breathe, and do something that reminds you why you’re going through all this in the first place.

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