(Closed) Feeling resentful after the wedding

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you need to talk to your dad.  It sounds like your relationship has been strained with him lately (whether because of your stepmom or not I don’t know).

Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you need to talk to your dad.  It sounds like your relationship has been strained with him lately (whether because of your stepmom or not I don’t know).

Post # 4
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I want you to know (grab your wine and cheers me) that you are not alone. Only, in my casei, I am resentful towards my in-laws. I got a lot of great advice and feedback from the bees when I posted on this very issue last friday. So since I am struggling with the same feelings of resentment, I will sit back and hope to learn something from your thread from the coming replies. The only thing I can say that helps me is this: when I look over at my husband I see a love that is deep and forever. That certainly helps 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow.

I think you need to sit down and have a talk with your Dad, just the two of you (no step-Mom, or anyone else). I would let him know that if he  is having financial issues, you understand, but that you are a little hurt that he took so little interest, and you are now also a bit strapped because he backed out of a promise.

but honestly? I think you should let it go if a calm conversation doesn’t get you anywhere. It isn’t worth losing the relationship over.

Post # 6
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m sorry you’re having feelings of resentment towards your dad. The best piece of advice I have for you is to put it in perspective. For whatever the reason, your dad chose not to follow thru with his promise, it’s not worth it to hold onto those feelings. If something were to happen to your dad tomorrow, I’m pretty sure you would look at this entire situation as very small.

With that being said, I would have a brief chat with your dad. I would let him know how you feel, but I wouldn’t accuse him of anything (i.e. holding back money, etc.). Just let him know that your feelings were hurt and that you were unsure about the reason behind his decision not to contribute to the wedding. I would also ask if there was something that you/hubby did to upset him. This probably isn’t the case, but this makes your conversation more about the both of you.

As a side note, did your hubby ask your dad for his blessing? I’m not sure how traditional your family is, but sometimes dads get a little iffy about this and he may have felt left out or disrespected if hubby didn’t speak with him first. Also, dad may feel unsure about his role in your life now that you’re married. Especially if you were/are a daddy’s girl.

Keep in mind all the things your dad has done for you over the years. Even though it may seem like he does more now for his kids/stepkids, that could be for many reasons…and I would venture to say that not one of them would be because he loves them anymore or less than he loves you. In fact, sometimes parents overcompensate for a variety of reasons….If you can, try to let go of those feelings and focus on rebuilding the relationship with your dad. Don’t let fiance’s anger influence your decision either.

Post # 7
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

have a talk with your dad. it’s possible that since you were always daddy’s little girl, he’s having a really hard time accepting that you’ve grown up, and he acted like a child about it. tell him he hurt your feelings and you want to move past it.

Post # 9
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@shellyjean:I see….maybe for the sake of keeping the peace, your husband could go to your dad and say, “I know I should have done this earlier, but I’d really like to ask for your blessing. It’s important to me that you know how much I love your daughter and being so caught up in it all, I forgot to do one of the most important things, which was to ask for your permission to have your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

Being that he didn’t, your dad may have taken it to me that since you (meaning you and FI) didn’t find it necessary to ask for his blessing, that you also didn’t need his money. Independence is a two way street.

I understand being independent. I moved two states away when I was 22 and bought my first home when I was 24. However, I can tell you that if my fiance hadn’t talked to my dad first, I would have been pissed and I know my dad would have been hurt. It’s just one of those things.

Post # 10
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is tough. I feel like almost any way you could approach your Dad about how you feel will put him on the defense and I don’t know if you’ll end up having a productive conversation. I actually vote for showing him how you feel through your actions, I think that might be more effective and have a bigger impact. If I were you, I’d cut him out of my life a little bit, not making him a priority anymore.

Post # 11
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

@moderndaisy: I agree. I’m not sure how productive a conversation would be….people get very defensive especially about money and while on the surface it seems like he did it to be snide, who knows if that’s true or not. I think I would also sort of distance myself for a while, especially until the resentment fades away. If he brings it up or questions why he’s seeing so little of you, I guess you could have a chat and simply tell him that your feelings were hurt by his actions before your wedding and now that the wedding has happened, you’re working through them and trying to focus on how happy you are in your marriage.

To the asking for permission…..ew. I really hate that tradition. 1 – it’s super awkward. 2 – I am no one’s property god damnit! I am not my father’s property to be traded off to a husband. I am 27 and I own my home all by myself. When Fiance and I got engaged it was between us and because we were ready. I would have been super offended if he’d talked to my father. It was a personal decision between us and one of the most important decisions of our lives. Sorry, but my parent does not belong in that decision. If that’s really the reason your dad is acting like a jerk, it’s ridiculous. When will parents realize that weddings of their kids are about their kids, not them? If he can’t be happy for you because he didn’t get his way, I can’t help but feel like you should treat him like a petulant child. Gah.

Post # 12
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

It all sounds a little unusual given you’ve always had a good relationship with him so I can see why you’re so upset.  Did anything happen leading up to the wedding that he may have been annoyed about (still no excuse but may be a reason for his sudden change) or does he have a possible gambling problem?   

I’d keep a bit of distance from him for a while and see what happens.  I hope things work out for you – it’s upsetting when parents disappoint. 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Pray over it (if your religious) and then have a heart to heart with your father.

 

I know you feel a little disappointed, but dont let it overshadow what was suppose to be one of the happiest days of your life

The topic ‘Feeling resentful after the wedding’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors