(Closed) Feeling Resentful Today

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Legallyblondiebride:  Can you talk to her about it? Let her know how you feel? Real friends listen to each other.

Do you even want to continue the friendship? I would let her know how hurt you are! Resentment builds up.

Post # 5
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Legallyblondiebride:  I would bow out her wedding. Say that you have sadly hit a financial issue and you do not have the money or time to dedicate to her wedding. At that point, cut off all contact. Send a nice gift card ($20 hhehe) to the wedding but don’t go. Seriously, I would send her an email or talk to her and let her know how you feel about her behavior at your wedding and you think your friendship has run it’s course. I would tell her how she made your engagenment awful but you are kind enough to back down without doing anything to return the favor.

Good luck! I read your posts and could only SMH in sorrow for you. Cut.her.loose. The other friend too.

Post # 6
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Honestly it’s not your job to be diying and decorating for her wedding. As for the shower I do think it’s nice to contribute. But if your relationship has become petty, quid pro quo, and basically keeping tabs of what gifts were given for this, and who helped who more, perhaps it is a sign that the friendship has ran it’s natural course and it’s time to come to end.

A bride can ask her bridesmaid to help with things, but they also have to understand that these people have lives and jobs and perhaps don’t have the time, effort, or even crafty talent to helping the couple with what is their responsibility. Hopefully she will be gracious and understand if you are too busy or simply don’t want to set up for her wedding. If not you can cross that bridge when you get to it. Good luck.

Post # 7
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Just say you can’t make it to the decorating. Tell them you won’t have time to bring food.  If you want to bow out, by all means, do so. If not, I think it would be perfectly fine to decline doing all of these things, especially given your history. You’ll probably get some push back, but you just have to be strong with your no.

Post # 8
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1993

Hello stranger! Before I deal with your post – BMs aside how was your big day? I hope you’ll be doing a recap!

In terms of this, I’d bow out. If the friendship isn’t salvagable then you have absolutely nothing to gain by remaining in this misbalanced equation. I read something the other day “when someone shows you their true self, believe them.” (I have a nasty feeling that it was Oprah..) Anyway, your ‘friend’ showed you that she is no real friend of yours. Believe her, and move on.

Post # 9
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Button:  Cosign 100000%!

Post # 11
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

yea, no way i would be doing all night decorating for someone who didnt help me at all. i suppose a better woman would get over it, but not me. at least not that quickly. maybe if it was a year or 2 later, id be like suck it up and be a friend. but right now… nope.

i think it might be best to find a way to bow out of these activities but not the wedding altogether. see if you can be as hands off a Bridesmaid or Best Man as she was and then when all the dust settles from your wedding and hers you should have a frank discussion about what you feel has been happening and you guys can decide where to go from there.

i just feel like bringing it up right now, all she will hear is that you are trying to make her wedding about you and then you’ll never get the chance to explain why you are ending the friendship.

plus i am guessing that since you are in each others weddigns there must be some bond there somewhere. if the relationship could be salvaged it might be worth being at her wedding to start the process?

Post # 12
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly if you feel the friendship has run its course yes of course bow out. However I would not keep “tabs” on what she did or did not do for your wedding.  And for me I would just be the bigger person and do what you can do. If you don’t feel like decorating than don’t same with the food.  But don’t do it because she didn’t do anything for yours. To me that is showing immaturity, be the bigger person out this whole deal.

Post # 14
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Legallyblondiebride:  Bow out. Call her and give that excuse about money for her shower and the dress. When her wedding is over, I would reach out to her and give her the real reason. However I doubt she will listen or care. She probably knows she was a shitty Bridesmaid or Best Man. I would just cut your losses and move on. Its like a PP said, she showed you the real her so now believe her.

Post # 16
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

If it were me I would bow out. I wouldnt be able to feel helpful and happy for someone who treated me so poorly on my own big day. I would use the excuse another poster said about saying you have to bow out because of financial issues (especially since you wedding just went by it is a valid reason say you have debt to pay even if you dont)

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