- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
I’m feeling a huge amount of external pressure around the whole wedding due to my age. My SO is only 27, but I’m 33. He really wants to have kids. I don’t feel like I have to have kids to be happy, but I’m willling to try it once and if that goes ok, maaaaybe twice.
Because he wants kids, I feel like I have to rush through this wedding process and it’s freaking me out. I feel like society wants to call me an “older bride” and then it will call me an “older mom.” And the narrative is supposed to be that I was too focused on my career and I waited and now all the bad things that may happen to affect my health or fertility are my own fault.
But that’s not what happened. I’ve wanted to get married since I had my first boyfriend when I was 16! It’s just that no one wanted to marry me 🙁 It took me 20 years of trying hard to get here. I didn’t just sit around waiting for the one to fall into my lap. I went on literally hundreds of dates and even lived with two boyfriends who talked about wanting to marry me but ended up never proposing before I eventually, finally met my SO.
So now I feel like we have to rush rush rush to get engaged (the ring is bought, but he won’t be proposing until July due to other family weddings), then rush rush rush to get married in the spring of 2014, because in the fall of 2014 I’ll be turning 35. And then we’ll have to rush rush rush to start having a baby IMMEDIATELY because he wants two and I don’t want to foreclose that option.
I don’t want to rush. I wish I were 26 and we could wait a year to get engaged, have a nice leisurely planning process with all the excitement and enagement parties showers, spend lots of time looking at all the different options for venues and everything, and then once we are married, just be happy being married to each other for a few years before we even start thinking about having kids. He doesn’t want kids right away either, but I think we have to start trying pretty much immediately.
This is making me miserable. We are already looking at venues pre-engagement because we are aiming for an April 2014 wedding and a lot of places are almost booked solid already! It’s terrifying. And realizing this morning that if I absolutely fall in love with a place, it’s just not an option for me to wait six months or a year until it’s available again without throwing off this miserable timeline I don’t even want for myself has just put me over the edge. This is so depressing.
Does anyone have any advice or is anyone feeling the same way? Please though, I don’t want to hear stories about how your friend’s sister’s cousin had a baby at 45. I know it sometimes happens, but other people’s anecdotes do not affect my personal fertility. It could happen to me, or it could not. I don’t want to wait and then find out I am not one of the lucky few. I never wanted to wait for any of this. I’m so frustrated!!!