(Closed) Feeling sad about Christmas and my family (other than DH)…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1738 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Sorry – to me it sounds kinda like your sister doesn’t want to accept that she should have A) told you long before now, and so should your mom, and B) sometimes you gotta get outta your PJs and visit with family.  It sounds a little like my BF’s sister who has become quite controlling over the holidays, especially since she had her little girl.

My Boyfriend or Best Friend and his sister got into an argument last year over the preparation of food of all things.  We always have holidays at her house, and we never wanted to have them at ours, but since we found a great house a block away from her, she’s gotten it into her head we’re competing for hosting rights.  It turns out that she wants to control all apsects of the dinner, when people arrive and when they leave, but then she gets mad about buying most of the food, and having to play hostess all day.  She’s even eaten Christmas lunch early with us standing there waiting because her parents were late and she was fed up with waiting (they have to drive over an hour to get to our town and ARE often late, but really – it’s Christmas – it’s not about simply eating for the sake of eating – have a snakc and leave the big family meal… for when the family arrives).  It’s all passive-agressive nonsense.

So we’ve tried to help by doing more and more of the cooking, but each year she turns her nose up at the food we bring, always saying it’s cooked wrong. >_<.  We’ve offered to host to take some of the burden off, but our house is smaller and all her kid’s toys are over there, adn that just reinforces her feelings that we’re in some stupid competition.  It’s become a ridiculous feud now, where she boycotted Thanksgiving this last year to prove that if it’s not at her house, she won’t take part in it, and by doing so, took away her child, the only grandbaby as “punishment” for us not all agreeing that her way is the only way to make mashed potatoes (we made the from scratch – she uses a box).

 

Post # 4
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I am sorry, that is a bummer. Can you split the day or Xmas Eve and Xmas day between the two locations?  I know you feel rejected, but is it worth not being with your family on Xmas?  Also, maybe her concern is a little self-centered, but maybe she has a valid reason as well. If you place is small and there are going to be quite a few people there then it would very realistically be too cramped to fully enjoy?

Post # 7
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Tell her you are not ok and that you would have appreciated her making an effort to start a new tradition.  As for your mom, why did she completely dump her plans to visit you now that your sister cannot come?

Post # 9
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@heather25: I would tell her that since there is a lot of change, you would like to share Christmas with her and would like for next year to be able to host if she wants to host this year.  If she has a year to get accustomed to the idea then next year will hopefully go much more smooth!  she may feel a little like the rug was taken out from under her. She was planning on spending Xmas one way and to change it sets her off-balance.

Post # 11
Member
1738 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I don’t thisk she has bothered to understand your resons for being upset.  If you were fine in years past going to her house, then you had no reason to “deal” with past Christmases.  The only thing you are upset about is her reluctance to allow you to make this a special Christmas as your first one being married and allowing you to have the whole family, both sides, come together as they should after a marraige and share the holiday together.  The reasons she gave you delt mostly with ehr own laziness and unwillingness to make any effory, and now she is not admitting that her decision to not come over is the reason you are not seeing her that day… not the fact that she “disallowed” you and your H from coming.

I’d like to know, in her words, why she thinks you are being “emotional” – not what your actions are that indicate feeling sad, but what she thinks caused it.  Apparently she is in denial or something.

 

PS – sorry for the lousy typing – my hands aren’t listening today any better than you sister 😛

Post # 12
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

@oracle: I would say she is just freakin clueless at this point.  SMH.

The topic ‘Feeling sad about Christmas and my family (other than DH)…’ is closed to new replies.

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