(Closed) Feeling sad about waiting… *vent*

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Ugh. I was having one of those days yesterday. It seems to come in time with that certain irritating time of the month. Some people suggest to stay of the Bee as it’ll make you think about it more, but in reality for me, it helps me get my need to talk about him finally someday being my husband (not just the wedding thing, that I’m almost willing to pass on) instead of simply my boyfriend. I’ve been really good about not saynig anything too. But yesterday I blurted out some wedding junk and he just kind of shook his head at me and said soon. Grrr. The waiting board feels your pain.

Post # 4
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a rough day!  It is easy to be impatient but I think its good to be occupied with other things.  Does he give any reasons for not wanting to be married yet or is he just too busy sorting out the studying overseas?

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Actually, I would go ahead and start planning.  When SO asks why you are making plans, let him know that as of right now (and per his direction) you aren’t engaged and you have no *together* plans…. so you are making some of your own.  Tell him that you need to feel like you have some say in the rest of your life and the fact that you are in one place with readiness and he is in a different place…. well, you needed to be able to start making plans for your future with purpose and direction.  And, without an engagement the only *direction* you can go…. is alone.

He will (should…. hopefully) take it from there.

Post # 6
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Well, you’re right.  I think your SO is trying to take things one at a time.  So, get this over seas thing figured out, then go from there.  I really think the best thing to do would be to keep being patient (and quiet!) about the wedding stuff.  Unless he’s got the memory of a goldfish, he hasn’t forgotten how you feel, and continuing to pressure him will more than likely have the opposite effect you’re looking for.  

I know my Fiance finally had to tell me to stop bringing it up because every time I said something it pushed back his timetable because he didn’t want his proposal to feel like he was only doing it because I was nagging him. 

Post # 7
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@andibean:  I know how you feel, somedays you feel like you’ll never make it down the aisle. Are any of your friends married, engaged? Thats makes it ten times worse. I’d just relax & organise the over seas thing. We’ve been together for 3+ years, I’m in my 30s and most of my friends are married. I feel very left out lol, but who knows it could come sooner than you expect =) Best wishes

Post # 9
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m sorry, I know how frustrating it must be for you! I agree with PP in that you should make getting all your school stuff figured out a priority. That sounds like it’s really stressing you out and I think you’d feel better with concrete plans. Then you’d be able to be closer to your SO and it would be a better time to bring up marriage again.

Living alone can be really awesome, but it does get really lonely. I lived by myself for 5 years and I was fine until I met my SO who became my best friend. We lived about 30 minutes apart and both of us worked and so our time was limited. I moved to the same town as him and while I got to see him more often, I felt even more alone because I didn’t have any friends at my new place. I really really struggled last summer with loneliness. It broke his heart, but there was nothing he could do for me. I started volunteering and met some really cool people there and was able to use my time for something productive. By the winter, I was far more content with living alone.

Granted, I knew I’d be moving in with my SO in the spring, which helped. Anyway, I totally understand feeling isolated and just being tired of being alone! I also joined a women’s group that went on hikes and did outdoors events. I don’t really have time for the group anymore, but it was a nice place to meet other women. Hope things get better for you!  

Post # 10
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee

I totally understand the frustration with waiting. Can you move in togeter? in the new location or if that falls through can either of you move into the other’s home?

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