(Closed) Feeling sad and guilty because I ruined the surprise :(

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
624 posts
Busy bee

I am sure you feel bad but what is done is done!  Hopefully you apologised and he has got over being upset.  Really you are both a bit to blame – this is a big thing and he should have told you that he was in contact with her (there was no need to mention a proposal in any way as she was asking for the divorce!) especially as you seem to have the type of relationship where you have open access to a joint computer.

On the other hand – no good ever comes of snooping!!Never!!  I am sure you will be able to both move on from this and at least you will know to let him propose in his own good time!!

Post # 4
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@warmelephant:  I agree with @Blackie:  snooping is like opening a can of worms but you can’t undo what you’ve done so moving forward, this is great news!!!! Your SO wants to take your relationship to the next level yippee! Stop stressing and start getting excited! You will be very surprised when he pops the question! 

Even though I knew a proposal was on its way, I had no idea when and when it happened I was completely surprised!  

Post # 7
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@warmelephant:  pretty much anyone that knows me knows i’m the “Grand Snoop, Ruiner of All Suprises”.  I do it all the time, whether its getting caught snooping in a sock drawer for a ring box, snooping in wallet for a jeweler reciept, or ruining my own bday suprise this year (again) because I was so anxious to know if he was going to propose or not, and ended up finding my gifts out in the process.

So i understand the compulsion to snoop, and i’m 98% sure I would have done the same thing in your shoes. Sometimes the temptation is too much.

As long as you apologized, he will very, very likely get over it, and I dont think it will ruin the proposal for you (or him).

Post # 8
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

while its too bad that he decided to mention the “surprise proposal” it I don’t think you have enough info to really ruin anything.

All you know is that she is getting married and wants to finalize divorce and that he is also planning to marry you (and propose at some point) and that you may be able to get full custody of your daughter as well.


Do you know when or where or how or anything else? if not it seems like you still have a lot of surprise coming

Post # 9
1105 posts
Bumble bee

@warmelephant:  Well, the good news is, it is happening! So congrats!  There is no bad news, though.  I would totally feel guilty myself as well because the surprise is ruined, BUT it happens and while you know it will happen, that just means he is going to try even harder to make it a surprise.  AND, if you hadn’t known about the divorce, you might have freaked out a little bit when he did propose and it might have ruined the moment, but NOW, you know and will only think about how happy you are that he is proposing! ๐Ÿ˜€

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