Post # 1
I have lived with my man for over 6 years now but he has never divorced his ex. because she went AWOL years ago and left him with their daughter who has not seen her mum since she was 4 (she is 10 now)…long story…but anyway, I was looking through the internet history on our computer, for completely innocent reasons, (I was trying to find a website I had been on previously), and I came across a long list of Facebook messages to his Ex Wife who I didn’t know he was in contact with!!! so of course curiousity got the better of me and I clicked into the link. He hadn’t signed out of Facebook so the messages opened up straight away, and there was a long conversation with him and her about getting a divorce as she is looking to get married this year.
I admitted to him that I had snooped as I wanted to know why he hadn’t told me he was talking to her, and he got upset and told me that he hadn’t told me because he was planning a surprise proposal!! I honestly hadn’t guessed that even after reading the messages as we had never really discussed marraige before and I had just thought he was discussing the divorce with her to finally get full custody of his daughter so I was annoyed I hadn’t been involved (she sees me as her mum).
Now I feel terrible because I have ruined the surprise and I can’t stop dwelling on it 🙁
Post # 3
I am sure you feel bad but what is done is done! Hopefully you apologised and he has got over being upset. Really you are both a bit to blame – this is a big thing and he should have told you that he was in contact with her (there was no need to mention a proposal in any way as she was asking for the divorce!) especially as you seem to have the type of relationship where you have open access to a joint computer.
On the other hand – no good ever comes of snooping!!Never!! I am sure you will be able to both move on from this and at least you will know to let him propose in his own good time!!
Post # 4
@warmelephant: I agree with @Blackie: snooping is like opening a can of worms but you can’t undo what you’ve done so moving forward, this is great news!!!! Your SO wants to take your relationship to the next level yippee! Stop stressing and start getting excited! You will be very surprised when he pops the question!
Even though I knew a proposal was on its way, I had no idea when and when it happened I was completely surprised!
Post # 5
@Birdi: You’re right Birdi. I should look at this as a good thing as before I really had no idea he was even thinking of it. Thanks 😀
Post # 7
@warmelephant: pretty much anyone that knows me knows i’m the “Grand Snoop, Ruiner of All Suprises”. I do it all the time, whether its getting caught snooping in a sock drawer for a ring box, snooping in wallet for a jeweler reciept, or ruining my own bday suprise this year (again) because I was so anxious to know if he was going to propose or not, and ended up finding my gifts out in the process.
So i understand the compulsion to snoop, and i’m 98% sure I would have done the same thing in your shoes. Sometimes the temptation is too much.
As long as you apologized, he will very, very likely get over it, and I dont think it will ruin the proposal for you (or him).
Post # 8
while its too bad that he decided to mention the “surprise proposal” it I don’t think you have enough info to really ruin anything.
All you know is that she is getting married and wants to finalize divorce and that he is also planning to marry you (and propose at some point) and that you may be able to get full custody of your daughter as well.
Do you know when or where or how or anything else? if not it seems like you still have a lot of surprise coming
Post # 9
@warmelephant: Well, the good news is, it is happening! So congrats! There is no bad news, though. I would totally feel guilty myself as well because the surprise is ruined, BUT it happens and while you know it will happen, that just means he is going to try even harder to make it a surprise. AND, if you hadn’t known about the divorce, you might have freaked out a little bit when he did propose and it might have ruined the moment, but NOW, you know and will only think about how happy you are that he is proposing! 😀