- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
@blondi03: I don’t take what you wrote as you being ungrateful at all. I understand that you are feeling as though your Fiance didn’t listen when you communicated your desire in a ring to him, and that perhaps there is some truth in the fact that his settling for that certain ring is an indication of his perception of the relationship as a whole. It is worth discussing with him but I would do so based solely on other facts of the relationship and *not* in the context of the ring. You want to express your feelings but be careful not to put down the ring should you both resolve things smoothly between you. You may find that your worries are unfounded and that you are reassured that he does love you dearly. If that should be the case, you wouldn’t want to put down the ring.
Case in point: My ex proposed to me with an inexpensive ring. I, too, had moved to be with him, out of the country in fact, and though I did not expect him to live up to that sacrifice with a similar sacrifice of his own, it would have been nice if he simply treated me more kindly and respectfully. But, he did not get down on one knee, he did not do anything special for the proposal, and the ring looked like he got it out of a Cracker Jack box. At the time I was too much in la-la land, too forgiving and understanding, thinking that was all he could manage and oh, how sweet that he got me this darling ring and trying to convince myself that it is the symbol of our love and that is what matters most and blah, blah, blah. The only true thing in that whole thought process? Yeah, it was a symbol of our love — but not a very healthy symbol.
Looking back, it is no shock to me that afterwards he treated me as poorly as he did and that I eventually divorced him as his behavior became increasingly abusive and manipulative (I’m not saying this is your case; mine was an extreme).
I say all this to illustrate my main point in that my ex made no effort. Don’t get me wrong — it didn’t have to be an expensive ring, but a little effort on his part to make it meaningful or something he enjoyed looking all over for, would have been nice to know. To know that he went that extra mile in some form, that he went to this little shop and oh the tales he could tell about how funny the salesperson was or whatever, or that he looked for this one style but then found this and got excited!…anything that showed interest and thought would have made all the difference to me. But, he did not, and the ring was a clear reflection of that. I was caught up in saying, “Oh, well this is all he can manage so I will accept and force myself to be happy.” It wasn’t all he could manage. Sorry, but now I know better and I say F that concept.
Now I am with someone who did make that effort, fully, willingly, and beautifully. He didn’t spend a ton on the ring, but he worked hard for it and found something super special. The proposal was classy and meaningful and yes, he treats me like gold, and I treat him like gold, too.
So, I think there is something to the kind of ring that is chosen and how the proposal is done and to ignore that ignores deeper meaning in the relationship. Get to the bottom of it so you can sleep well at night and not have this hanging over you. You are good to listen to your instincts and follow through carefully. Good luck.