(Closed) feeling sad, depressed

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry you are going through this. To me that seems really weird that he expects you to pay him for the health insurance. My thoughts of marriage is that you both help each other out, because you are family and a unit. The fact that he’s giving everything to his mother and not helping his own wife is pretty upsetting.

Post # 4
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You don’t have a Mother-In-Law problem, you have a husband problem. He is allowing her to use him and it’s not going to stop unless he puts his foot down.

He won’t “help you out” with your bills? I’m assuming that you keep separate bank accounts (which my husband and I do too), but ultimately you are married and it is your money together. You should be worrying about bills together, not worrying by yourself if you can keep up while he spends “his” money however he wants.

Post # 5
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

This sounds like a problem with your husband. You two need to decide on boundaries for his mother. If you’re not comfortable with him giving her money, you should talk to him about it. He needs to be on your side first. 

Post # 6
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with pp…. this is an issue with your husband.  Seems like he never actually cut that cord.  I think it is really odd he won’t put you on his insurance unless you ‘pay’ him.  Wow.  And he won’t help you with the bills?  You guys live together right?  So odd.  Have THAT talk with him tonight… something has to give and hoping it’s not your marriage.

Post # 7
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

1+ I agree with the rest of the ladies 

Post # 8
Member
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i agree with pp.  this is a husband issue.  in fact, he isn’t even acting like a husband. he sounds like a selfish ass.

Post # 9
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow I am so sorry :(, This does sound more of a Husband issue then a Mother-In-Law. I just think that you should really talk to him now before things get worse. explain to him how you feel and give him examples : such as bills and Insurance: Break things down for him if you have to. Good luck I hope things work out for you both 

Post # 10
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did you two discuss finances prior to getting married? What are the agreed upon terms?

Its one thing to have seperate accounts. Its a whole different thing if you cant pay your bills or save money. Does that mean if he can save money and buys a house, its not your house? If he has money for a vacation, does that mean you cant go if you cant pay your half?

It also is important to have the same savings/kids/money goals. Its not OK for one of you to spend a lot of money on something if you don’t both agree because hypothetically you should be working towards the same financial goals.

This situation does not sit well with me. 

Post # 11
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have a huge issue with your husband that he does not think these decisions are made by the two of you and what’s the deal with the health insurance? That’s just wrong!

Post # 12
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee

Neither my husband or I would never loan someone money, not even family without talking about it first.  Also there were no “my bills, his bills” after we got married they were all “our bills” . Every marriage deals with finances differently but I think what he is doing isn’t really fair and not making is an equal partner in big decisions. And the health insurance isn’t right. His mom seems like a freeloader, I’d be frustrated too. You need to have a big conversation about all that. Good luck.

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