(Closed) feeling sad, need some advice

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9885 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@stokieGal:   Leave him alone.  He’s involved in his new relationship and while you may be comfortable with having opposite sex friendships – she may not be comfortable with it.  And this is his decision, not yours.  She may have asked him to break off contact with you and he may be honoring her request.  Which is his right to do – and hers as well, as his new girlfriend.

You’ve texed him and been blown off enough that you should get the hint to move on now.  Friendships don’t always last forever.  People change.  I know it’s a tough thing to realize and I’m sorry this hurts you.  Perhaps in time he will contact you again and introduce you to her.  In the meantime, find other things, other people and other interests to fill your time. 

Post # 4
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Aww that’s tough but it happens a lot with new relationships.  It’s hard to know if she has a problem with you, or if he’s just spending all of his time with his new girl, which is totally normal.

I’d just lay low for a couple of months and see how it pans out.  Sometimes being a friend means not taking things too personally and letting your friend have a little space when they need it.

Post # 5
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It is so sad when this happens. I have always got along better with men than women, I have way more male friends than female ones and this has happened to me more than once. Unfortunately, it is usually because the female can’t handle the guy having female friends. There really isn’t anything you can do, it’s just one of those things.

 

Post # 6
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

It’s sad, but this happens a lot, and if he’s with a person whose threatened about this kind of relationship, you will only make yourself look silly if you confront him about it, create a bigger threat for his girlfriend and make life harder on him….it may be that it’s all new, and that’s who he wants to spend most of his time with…we’ve all been there right?  And after the newness of it all has settled down, he might call you and get together, if not…he’s a goner until she’s out of the picture.

Personally I’ve never understood this particular problem with friends of the opposite sex, since you were there before she was, and if the two of you wanted to be together you would have by now, but didn’t…so what’s the issue?

Either way, your stuck on this one, time to find some new friends!

Post # 8
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@stokieGal:  I think it’s awful!  I disagree with the concept that a romantic relationship trumps all others in a persons life!  That’s a recipe for co-dependant disaster, you have to have lives outside of one another, and if there’s no trust…what’s the point?

Post # 11
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe you could try getting to know her too. Instead of inviting him out, next time you could invite both of them out so you’re sending a message that you are respecting their relationship. If you can become friends with her too, or if she just realizes that you and him are only platonic, maybe you can maintain your friendship. 

I’ve been in this same situation many times myself and it does indeed suck!

Post # 12
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@stokieGal:  Well, some people have their own issues, if it’s any consolation I can guarantee it has NOTHING to do with you…and myabe after they’ve had some time to be all crazy about each other, he’ll start showing up some more, but if not, you’ll know why….just don’t be sad…who wants a friend like that?

Post # 13
Member
9885 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@stokieGal:   I disagree with the concept that a romantic relationship trumps all others in a persons life!  That’s a recipe for co-dependant disaster, you have to have lives outside of one another, and if there’s no trust…what’s the point? 

You are correct that if there is no trust in a relationship there is no point in it.

Part of his building trust with her possibly is his not contacting you (being a female) any more.

Just because you disagree with the concept that a romantic relationship trumps all others in a person’s life doesn’t mean everyone shares your opinion.

The bottom line is – this is his choice and you have no choice except to live with it.

However, if it makes you feel better why don’t you give him a phone call and talk to him and ask him these questions?  Maybe he’s just been really busy and it has nothing to do with her.  All you’re doing is speculating.  Until he tells you exactly what is going on, you’re just guessing.

If he is really as close a friend as a brother, as you say, you should feel perfectly comfortable calling him to talk and ask to meet his new girlfriend.  But you pointed out in your OP that you don’t feel comfortable doing so for fear of him “shooting you down.”  If he is as close to you as a brother – Why is that?

Post # 15
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m happy to help, and I really like the suggestion that you get together with both of them!!  Why not?  Your friends right?  No need to get upset, because he probably doesn’t even realize, how time flies when we’re fallilng in love, right?

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