Post # 1
My RSVP deadline was April 1st so we’ve been calling everyone trying to get an answer from them. Ever since Tuesday, we’ve gotten quite a few RSVPs back but most of them are no’s. Most of the people we’ve contacted have also been no’s. We invited around 175 people and so far we have 95 people (including 13 kids) that are coming. That’s just over 50%. What the hell? I don’t get it.
Most of the declines are coming from my side. FI’s family (except his immediate) all live out of town and every single one of them are coming. Most of my family lives locally and they are all declining! We have 7 people coming to the ceremony but leaving before the reception. This seriously confuses me because the reception is the fun part! We also have 4 people saying they will “try” to make it.
It’s just frustrating and I can’t help but get sad when I see the “Regrefully decline” box marked and it’s from people I thought would come. A lot of my family members are religous, and I am wondering if they are declining because of the alcohol we are serving. My Aunt and Uncle declined because there will be wine at the reception.
The lower number of guests will only save us money from the rental company. The reception venue was a flat rate regardless of the number of guests. The venue holds 150 people so I am worried 95 people will make it look empty. I guess I am sad because we’ve planned and spent tons of money to celebrate the day with our family and friends and half of them aren’t even coming. 🙁
Post # 2
BakerBee16: I’m in the same boat as you. We invited 127, our venue holds 150 and we were hoping for 75 (which actually works well in our space as there’s a natural divide in the room so we can put the tables all in one area and not make it feel weird) but right now, we’re 13 days to the deadline and we have about 50% back and only 40 people coming 🙁
some of my best childhood friends are thinking they won’t be able to make the trip and it sucks (I made the trip to theirs and always assumed they’d do the same). A lot of my family also appears to be declining.
Post # 3
MsGinkgo: It honestly makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong. We sent out STD’s before Christmas abd sent the invites out 90 days before. Unless 80 people all had pre planned vacations for that weekend, it really hurts my feelings! Especially since no one has to travel to the wedding.
I did have one couple that we traveled to their wedding decline to come to ours. At least she sent an apology note with it.
Post # 4
BakerBee16: yup, it sucks. There’s one friend who’s wedding I missed at thanksgiving this year. It was 6 weeks after I’d made the trip east for another wedding AND it was my grandfather’s 99th birthday (he lives where I do) and my mom and sister were flying in for the occassion – which was planned before I got the wedding invite. If it wasn’t for my grandfather’s birthday I would have made the trip back again.
In our case, pretty much everyone has to travel so we were expecting declines, but it still sucks when you see that decline box checked.
Post # 5
Save the Date cards are meant to …. save the date! How are ALL of these people suddenly busy that day? That’s lame. I am only have a tiny reception (30) and everyone better make it or I will be hunting them down! I would be extremely offended if I have 50% of my invitees decline. They better be out of state or dead that day.
Post # 6
MsGinkgo: Yes it’s definitely a little disheartening seeing that box checked!
Rainstorm77: Exactly! That’s why I am wondering if it has to do with the alcohol…which is an INSANE reason to decline. Just because we are serving wine and beer doesn’t mean we are going to require every guest to do a kegstand upon entrance. Good lord!
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
BakerBee16: Your story is 100% me 1 year ago. We invited 100 people because that was the max we could afford. 48 showed up. All of DH’s family came. My family were the ones that let me down. I had friends/family RSVP yes and then they were no-shows. Luckily I had a wedding planner who re-arranged the tables at the last minute so people didn’t have to sit alone. They actually struck an entire table from the hall, so all my hard work on the seating chart went out the window!
At least I got the flowers out of I really wanted. Once I saw how many declined, I called up the florist and added flowers in the church, flowers on every cocktail table, and all tall centerpieces instead of half tall/half short. All those people seriously missed out because we threw an amazing wedding! But the most important people did come and it was about me and DH anyway, not everyone else. Still, I completely understand your hurt feelings. I felt exactly the same way.
ETA: I had also sent out STDs a year in advance. It didn’t seem to make a difference. Lots of people who originally told me they were excited and definitely coming ended up RSVPing no a month out from the wedding. A lot of people also got sick at the last minute. It is what it is.
Post # 8
95 sounds like a fine number, and…heck! that just means you have to pay less for your reception! I would probably be bothered if the declining parties were close family but outside that…eh, I’d just see it as more time to be with my husband on our day than worry about greeting and attending to guests!
Post # 9
Ouch, I’m sorry, at that rate, when there’s no holiday and (i’m assuming) it’s not a friday/sunday/off day, that would hurt my feelers too 🙁
Post # 10
BakerBee16: I remember you’ve made some posts in the past about some pretty intense family drama. I suspect that accounts for some of the declines on your side. People might want to keep their distance from all that. As far as people declining because alcohol will be served…I don’t get that? Do they never go anywhere where they will be in the presence of alcohol? Do they only go to dry restaurants? Stay away from Costco, Target, and any grocery stores that sell alcohol? Everyone is free to make their own decisions, but to refuse to attend a loved ones wedding, because you don’t want to be in the presence of alcohol, sounds extremist and like someone who is using their religion as an excuse to inflict themselves.
Post # 11
BakerBee16: Your Aunt and Uncle declined because there will be wine at the reception? I’m shaking my head. I guess they don’t go out much, because if they did, they wouldn’t go anywhere alcohol is served – restaurants, hotels, parties at people’s houses. I was raised in an alcohol free home and I raised my children the same way, but I’d never do something like that. I’m a vegetarian, but I go places where other people are eating meat. Where will it end? P.S. People always give the strangest excuses.
Post # 12
🙁 the thing to remember is that its not personal. And yes it sucks but I’ve seen many post on here where people say things like “no one cares about your wedding as much as you do” and unfortunately thats the truth… Sometimes we can get self absorbed in our wedding planning and our feelings and our day but their declines have absolutely nothing to do with you personally (unless of course they do, which i doubt) and your wedding will be fabulous with or without them! Take it all in stride and look at it as a blessing… Rejections always sting a little, so keep it all in perspective!
Post # 13
I can relate- we invited 130 and ended up with just over 60. Our venue holds up to 250 so I was afraid it would be feeling empty.
But really, it was nice not to have a huge crowd so I wasn’t occupied with saying hello to everyone. I still had time to dance, drink, mingle, take pictures, etc… And the venue space felt fine. I know it is disheartening but look at all of the people who ARE coming! It’s be a quite the celebration!
Post # 14
BakerBee16: Sorry to hear about all the guests who RSVp’s no
However, there is a plus side to all of this….. less people means more time for you and your FI to enjoy the reception. I had 120 people attend my wedding and I was so busy saying hello and goodbye to people that I did not really enjoy my wedding. I barely ate, drank or danced. I felt like I planned a huge party that I didn’t even get the chance to enjoy because I was trying so hard to be gracious and courteous of my guests……
Have a blast with the people that attend and do not worry about those that don’t…..
Post # 15
WestCoastV: The family that is declining isn’t the side with the family drama…they are all coming! Haha. But when I asked my Grandma why my Aunt and Uncle declined, she said “Well, he’s a Deacon now and just doesn’t want to be around a lot of people drinking.” Okkkkay. So when I log on Facebook and see their children wasted at bars, that’s okay. But a wedding reception with wine is bad? Makes sense to me 😉
PABride: Oh they go out to eat all the time. It’s a pathetic excuse in my book. Like I said, we aren’t forcing anyone to drink.
californiabride2013: Yeah most of those that are declining are of the “older” and “religious” side of my family, so honestly the reception will be a blast without them sitting around judging everyone for drinking and having a good time.
Thank you everyone for replying. You all are right. The people are coming are the ones I need to focus on and they are the ones that WANT to be there. 🙂