- 7 years ago
Hi Bees. It’s been a while since I’ve been on the boards. We recently got a puppy and he’s been very high maintenance, so it’s been pretty difficult to sneak away for some decent internet time.
Anyway, I’ve been feeling so horrible lately. My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been talking marriage more seriously lately, and he even said we can look at rings when he gets his tax return. I’m VERY excited about this, because I do want to marry him.
However, recently I’ve been feeling restless. I don’t know if it’s because the puppy has been very demanding of my time or because ever since I’ve graduated college, I’ve kind of just been loafing around when I’m not working.
Recently, and old “itch” that I’ve had has come back to bug me. Ever since I could remember, I’ve always wanted to experience living in NYC. It’s just been something I’ve always wanted to do as I have always had a strong love for the city and have always been intrigued by it. I’ve been to visit many times, and each time I’ve never wanted to leave, so I’ve always told myself that I would live there for at least one year to see how it is and whether or not I like it.
When I moved in with Boyfriend or Best Friend I kind of made a deal with him that I would go on an extended vacation from work for one month and rent a sublet, rather than MOVE there. I felt like I settled and it’s been bugging me lately.
I feel the “itch” has come back because I’m realizing that NOW is the time if I really want to go. I’ve graduated so I have no real commitments keeping me in my home town anymore. My job is flexible and is cooperating with me on a transfer, and because I live with Boyfriend or Best Friend, I don’t really have to sell anything or rent storage–I could just go. I would also like to do it while I’m young (25) and still brave/adventurous enough to get out of my comfort zone.
Not moving to NYC is something I would regret later on when I’m older. Like seriously feel regret about. It’s something that’s always in the back of my mind, eating at me and yelling at me. It’s honestly something I feel I HAVE to do to be happy in life. I’m not “searching for anything” or “running from anything,” it’s just something I want to do because I love it. That’s it.
My “need” however will effect my relationship. Boyfriend or Best Friend knows how much I love NY and he knows there is a slight potential I will fall in love with the city and never want to come back. While this is a possibility, in my heart of hearts I don’t think it’s likely as I love my home town and the life I’ve created with my Boyfriend or Best Friend. However, me wanting to go makes him reluctant to propose. While I understand, it still hurts me. In my mind I’ve been anticipating getting engaged to him and marrying him. I love him with all my heart and know 100% that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I would like to say that I “promise to come back home” but can anyone really promise that? How can one know what they’re going to feel upon experiencing something else?
So…now I’m sad because I feel like if I don’t take the opportunity and move to NY (temporarily) I will regret it and possibly “resent” my Boyfriend or Best Friend for “keeping me here.” But on the other hand, I feel like I don’t want to go because it might hurt our relationship.
Boyfriend or Best Friend wants me to go. He thinks it’s important that I “figure myself out” before I’m tied down. We discussed that it would be no less than 6 months, and no more than one year, but still…one year that would put off our marriage. I’m ready to get married, I’m ready for that step NOW, but he wants to hold off.
Has anyone else done anything like this? Chased after a dream, thus putting a hold on your relationship? I really feel like I’m being selfish, just so I can chase some silly dream of mine. What should I do? 🙁
Sorry so long…