(Closed) Feeling sad. Someone please tell me I’m not the only one who’s done this…

posted 7 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hey girl, sorry your feelin’ down. I feel you on the puppy thing, I actually feel like our 7 year old dog and our cat are a lot of work! But at least that makes me know I’m not ready for babies yet πŸ˜‰ Anyway, it sounds like you know that not moving to NYC is something you feel you would really regret later on. Not to mention it sounds like you’ve got the perfect set-up to be able to do it. You never know, it could be a good thing for you guys in some ways. You both may realize how much you enjoy having each other in your everyday lives while you’re apart, especially after living together. I’m sure it would be an INCREDIBLE experience (I personally LOVE NYC, Fiance took me there for a trip and proposed!!!) and I’m sure it would change you in some ways. I’m curious though, have you two ever discussed moving there together after you get married or something? Does he have any interest in NYC? Fiance and I moved from IA where we went to school, to Dallas where we didnt know anyone for jobs, and even though we dont like it here, we both think its been an incredible thing for our relationship. ok, im blabbing. I hope you can find the solution that will make you happy and that you will feel good about. 

Post # 4
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

Oh wow I think you should go!!!!  I’ve done all my must-do’s regardless of my relationship with my SO and we’re perfectly fine.  We’ve been together over 6 years and we’ve done LDR twice for a year each time (still finishing up the 2nd year of LDR).  I’m so thankful for our years apart because it really tested our relationship the first time (smooth sailing this second time) and helped us to know how much we really mean to each other.  We always knew, but there’s something about the struggles of moving apart, getting used to being apart, and then getting used to being back in the same place that really made our bond stronger and deeper than it otherwise would have been.  LDR is the ultimate test of a relationship, 2nd only to cheating, in my humble opinion.

I really think if you’re SO is encouraging you to go, and your heart of hearts is encouraging you to go then you should just do it like Nike says.  For me, my must-do was go live in a new city all by myself and I did.  It suuuuucked.  But if I hadn’t gotten that out of my system, I would’ve been restless forever and I know that feeling and I hate it!  GO! πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Is there any way that ya’ll could get engaged and he go up there with you?

Post # 8
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I feel for you because my Fiance and I were long distance for 2yrs and 8months because I wanted to live in…New York City. We are both from California and meet in College while studing theater. My plan was always to move to NYC after graduating, I was just not expecting to fall in love and meet the man of my dreams and have to leave him to move to NY. But thats what I did and I will never regret it. Moving to NYC was the best decision ever and while I hated our time apart I really grew being on my own in a big city. We had some HARD times, dont get me wrong but luckily it worked out for us and evetually he joined me here. Work and school kept him on the west coast longer than I had hoped but we made it through and now are happily engaged. You might fall in love with NYC, but you might hate it as well, a lot of people do. But whatever you decide good luck to you. I am happy that no matter where I end up living I can always say, I lived in NYC for _yrs (how ever long I end up saying πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Funny you should write this – this could have been my life story a few years ago!  I was just shy of turning 25 and had been dating my Boyfriend or Best Friend for about three years, although we’d known each other for ages.   We were starting to talk about marriage, even though I’d always said I didn’t want to get married until 30; however, all of our friends were getting married and I was sure he was the person I wanted to marry anyway, so I figured why wait another five years? 

Backtrack a bit:  I’d always had a dream of living overseas for a while – I regretted not studying abroad in college and wanted to see what it was like to live in a different country for a while.  Right after grad school, when I was 23, I submitted my resume to an Irish/British recruiting company and thought I’d see what happened.  Nothing did so I took a job in my hometown after graduation.

Fast forward back to the first paragraph.  Boyfriend or Best Friend and I were at this point where we’re thinking about marriage when I got a call out of the blue from the recruiting company saying they had an employer in London who was interested in me and wanted to fly to Chicago to conduct an interview – was I interested?   You bet your butt I was!! Needless to say, they flew out and I was offered the job in London the next day.

Boyfriend or Best Friend was absolutely devastated and ‘forbade’ me to go.  This was a chance to follow the dream I’d always wanted so I promised him I would go for 6 months and we’d see how things went from there.  I left and knew within about 2 days of being there that there was no way I was going to be returning home in 6 months.  I also discovered that my Boyfriend or Best Friend was definitely NOT the man for me – I’d realised there was a whole different world out there and what I had with my Boyfriend or Best Friend was me just settling for what I thought was ok – it wasn’t.

Three years later, I finally decided to leave my wonderful London life and move to Australia, as all of my Aussie friends in London said it was the greatest place on earth.  I spent 14 months in Australia before finally deciding to move back home at 29…. however, on the way home during a trip to China en route back to Chicago, I met an Australian man who eventually became my fiance.  I am now living back in Australia with him and we get married in 2 months.  Between us, we have citizenship in the US, UK, and Australia so we have lots of options for where we’d like to live next.  Essentially, it has worked out be my ideal situation with the most perfect man.

Moral of the story:  follow your dreams.  I look back and think about how different my life would have been had I not accepted the job in London and it scares me.  I am thankful every single day that I had the courage to follow my dreams, not knowing what the hell I was doing, and as a result having the most amazing experience of my life.  I can promise you this:  you will NEVER regret following your dreams, but you will most likely regret not seizing a golden opportunity that came along.  If your Boyfriend or Best Friend is truly the one for you, you will weather the transition/long distance together; if not, well then he wasn’t the one for you.

Good luck!!  πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I just went back and reread your post – the fact that your Boyfriend or Best Friend is so supportive of this is awesome – definitely do it!!!!   He is spot on correct that this would be a great opportunity to figure out who you reall are etc.  And really, there is no urgency to getting married.  You’re only 25, you have your entire life ahead of you.  I can’t tell you how incredibly happy I am every single day that I did not get married at 25.  I will be 6 weeks shy of my 32nd birthday when I get married and could not have written the timeline any more perfectly.   Seriously, there is no need to get married now.  If it’s right for the two of you, it will still be right when you’re 27, 29, 35, 46 and so on!   πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

@RenoRose: “But yeah, this is a “must-do” for me in life–something that I feel will educate me, help me grow, make me realize a lot of things about myself and my relationship, and something I’m hoping will be a “wake up call.””  That is so important for you to not ignore and that is such a healthy reason to go!  

Reading through the other responses reminded me that I’ve had that restless yet another time and it was when I studied abroad for 3 weeks in college.  My SO had literally just started dating when I got an e-mail about a study abroad opportunity in Italy.  I made my decision right then and there that I would go on that program no matter what anyone said to me.  It was that same exact restless feeling only it happened in a matter of seconds!  Going to Italy was one of my favorite experiences and going to Europe had been a dream of mine since I first learned about Europe in like 2nd grade.  There’s just something about being on your own in the big wide world that is very exciting, rewarding, and educational.

Post # 15
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@RenoRose:  I understand you on feeling the pressure from your friends and family – I was in the same boat!  The last of my close friends (from home anyway, the friends I met overseas are a totally different kettle of fish) got married when we were 26.   Some of them are still happily married, two are not, the rest are just blah, going through life day after day, wondering what they’ve done with their lives.   Turning 30 was a big wake up call of sorts as nearly all of them went through a period of thinking ‘what have I really accomplished with my life so far?’   It was difficult for a lot of them and they bemoan getting older each year as it just seems to be life passing by.   

I on the other hand, turned 30 and looked back on my life to date and couldn’t help but break out in a huge smile.  I’ve been to 35 countries, worked with some of the most amazing people on the planet, travelled to some of the remote corners of the globe, in fact, circumnavigated the globe many times over, experienced heartache and gotten through it, had some amazing relationships and learned from them, made friends from countries I didn’t even know existed, and knew that I had lived the dream life.  Not to sound morbid, but if I died tomorrow, I would die happy, knowing that I had lived the life I wanted and without regrets.

I really don’t think you should let pressure from your friends/family sway you.  I PROMISE you, you will never look back and say gee family/friends, I’m so glad you persuaded me not to follow my dream but to get married and have kids instead.  I’m so glad I am now 40 years old wondering what on earth I’ve done with my life and feeling so unfulfilled.  On the flip side, you will thank yourself for following your dreams somewhere down the line.  It’s a shame there’s such a stigma in the States are getting married/having kids later – we are amongst the youngest in the developed world in terms of average age at first marriage; coincidentally, we also have one of the highest divorce rates.

To answer your earlier questions, no I was not living with my Boyfriend or Best Friend at that time, but we were talking about moving in together.  He stayed at my place most nights anyway, so close enough.  And yes, I agonized over the thought of leaving him, I spent many, many nights crying myself to sleep, wondering if I was doing the right thing.  Ultimately, it came down to me living out my dreams and I am incredibly happy I did! 

It’s wonderful that your Boyfriend or Best Friend is so supportive of this – that makes things a thousand times easier and should be a good push in the right direction.  Without a Boyfriend or Best Friend trying to guilt you into staying home, there should be nothing holding you back.  Living out on our own will give you a whole different perspective on life and bring you a new sense of maturity, which will ultimately only enhance your relationship.   It is scary taking that big leap (and there were a few nights when I cried myself to sleep in London, wondering if I had made a huge mistake) but in the end, it is all worth it!

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