(Closed) Feeling sexually incompatible with new hubby (warning – this post contains TMI!)

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think you can say what you want without having to tell him specific “moves”.  You definitely need to talk to him….just explain that you need more warming up and you would like to try a more sensual style.  You have to be very careful about how you say it, but you do not have to tell him what to do specifically.

Good luck to you.

Post # 4
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Maybe it would help to plan a romantic night for the two of you?  You could make him a special dinner, light some candles, put on lingerie, etc…  Then, you can tell him exactly what to do when, and go at the pace you want.  If you’re directing the show, he’s more likely to go at the pace you want.  Maybe it would be even more beneficial to remind him over the next couple days how much you enjoyed that night and how much you can’t wait to do a “repeat.”  🙂  I think any guy would willingly take that hint!

Post # 5
1251 posts
Bumble bee

Tie him up and then go really, really, slow.

Haha, the tying up part would create some excitement for him, but then you can get all the foreplay you need, and set the pace.

Post # 6
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Try…”lets take it slow tonight” or “I’ve really been wanting to try this”. Not gonna lie, I wish my man was as horny as yours!! lol!! 

Post # 7
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Tell him exactly what you told us!  I think it’s pretty understandable.  Love the “tie him up and show him what you want” idea!  I’m sure he’d go for that.  Anything that can make this “discussion” into an “intimate game” rather than a lecture-style convo would be awesome!

Post # 8
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You can just say, “softer, slower” and things like that, so he understands. You can also mention “you know I really like it when you….” and things like that.

Post # 9
348 posts
Helper bee

Tell him you want to demonstrate on him….then do! 


Post # 10
1103 posts
Bumble bee

I think instead of talking about this (again) you need to actually do it. Tie him up if you think it will help/he’ll like it, bc then he won’t be able to take over. Demonstrate very clearly what you mean by foreplay/teasing by driving him crazy. Afterwards you can talk about it. A lot of people learn better this way! He might be nervous that he won’t do it right (hence sticking to the same method for so long) but tell him it’s ok if it’s not 100% awesome the first time. That’s the joy of all this – practise makes perfect 🙂

Post # 11
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

When you talk with him, instead of framing what you want as putting the kibosh on his rough style of love-making, why don’t you just talk about changing things up a little so as to “spice things up even more”? Then get straight to demonstrating what you mean. He probably thinks that slower and gentler means tepid. You can skip the discussion and show him that it means anything but.

The thing that turns a man on the most is a woman who is totally comfortable with herself and totally into him. Take the reigns to show him how you would like to do things, and if he starts to take control and take you into jungle-animal territory, stop him and make him slow down. Insist that you be in control and you can attend to him (or have him attend to you) in whatever way you want. If you are confident and in the moment, it will be hot, and he will like it.

Post # 12
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception

So glad that I don’t have to be the first one to say “tie him up,” but seriously! Use a soft scarf and tie his hands up. I’m pretty darn sure he’ll think it’s sexy, and then you can do whatever you want!

Post # 13
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Gosh, I want to create a “secondary account” just to comment on this!

It sounds like he maybe doesn’t differentiate between having sex and “making love”.

Is there a movie that epitomizes the sort of romantic style you have in mind?  Rather than having to spell everything out using words, maybe you could plan out the romantic candlelight evening mentioned above and then start things off by watching the movie together…

Good luck!

Post # 14
5497 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is when I’d pounce on him! And if he tried to get rough with me, I’d hold him down and go as slow as I wanted. ; ) Show that man of your what you want! Mr. Bee had a really good idea in watching a movie, too.

Post # 15
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Could you maybe initiate “intimate time” by doing massages – and then when he is massaging you, you could say tease me. This is my favourite form of slow intimate foreplay (sorry if TMI). Could that work for you guys?

Post # 16
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Love the Bees comments, “tie him up” 🙂

Also, check this out.

It’s a long read about Tantric sex. Incredibly interesting!

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