(Closed) Feeling slighted by seating arrangement

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

There are many sides to this problem of head tables and significant others. Some people thing its rude to split a couple up and others say deal with it “its just for dinner”

I am of the camp that couples should not be split up, but many brides want their traditional head table so unfortunately I think you just have to deal with it.

Post # 4
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Is your SO in the wedding? If so, its pretty normal for the dates to be seated elsewhere and not at the head table. Plus, since its his family and you haven’t met them, they probably don’t want strangers at the most important table at the wedding. I’d say, its only dinner. You can make friends with people at your table and spend the rest of the evening with your SO. I don’t think its worth bringing up or staying home just because you can’t sit right next to each other. 

Post # 5
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s for one evening and when he’s not eating or toasting, he’ll probably be by your side.  It’s impossible to please everyone when it comes to seating.  And you can always stick your SIL at the most boring table when you get married.  Best not to make waves.  I’m not saying it’s fun or I don’t understand you feeling frustrated.  Just think it’s a time when it’s best to roll with the punches.

Post # 6
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I can see why that would be annoying – and it is exactly the reason I dislike head tables. Someone (and this time just so happens to be you) ends up awkwardly sitting across the room with a bunch of random people. I would casually mention something to your SO and maybe see what’s up with that and if it’s even possible to change it. It’s not worth making a huge stink over, but I think you could at least bring it up and see where it goes. See if he knows why or how long you will be seated and he will be doing wedding party festivities, etc.

I think the situation sucks – but I will say, my FI’s family is much less welcoming than my own family is and it’s just how the cookie crumbles. Fiance feels like a brother to my siblings, but I still feel like the awkward girl when around his family and am really quiet around them because they irritate me. It sucks, but c’est la vie, right? Maybe they don’t even realize that this isn’t going to be enjoyable for you at all. I would like to think it wasn’t their intention.

Post # 7
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If your SO is in the bridal party, than it is normal, if not, I’d be peeved too.  So tell us which one it is.

You can also not comapre your family’s behavior to his, 2 different fams, that really aren’t in competition to be a better host, so you can’t use that for an argument.

Post # 8
Member
5784 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is why I don’t like head tables. Anyway, I would not bring this up with your SO’s family and I would absolutely not skip the wedding because of it. Its not that unusual of a situation and odds are nothing will change (You’ll just look difficult). Use it as an opportunity to meet some new people.

Post # 9
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He is at the head table either because he is in the wedding party, or family or both. You, unfortunately are neither.

Suck it up and enjoy the company of the people at your table. It’s only for the duration of the dinner.

When you are planning your own wedding you will deal with similar problems. Do not bring it up with his family.  Staying away would only send a message to his family that you are high maintenance.

 

Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Honestly, I think you should make lemonade with this situation. Do your homework through your SO about the other people sitting at your table ahead of time so you can think of good topics of conversation. Ask your SO to introduce you to them at the wedding or before if possible so you won’t feel so awkward and alone. Act as happy and upbeat as possible and really try to get to know everyone.

It was really crummy of them to seat you away from the only person you know, but the best thing you can do in this situation is accept it gracefully. It will make THEM look bad, trust me. And it says to them that you are willing to go with the flow and put up with uncomfortable situations because you love your SO.

Post # 12
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

        If he is in the wedding party then this is completely normal. At my sister in laws wedding I was sitting with no one I knew because my husband was in the wedding party (we were dating at the time) and I sucked it up. It was only for dinner, and I actually got a chance to meet people I would never have spoken to. For our wedding we had a table for all the dates of the wedding party, because they weren’t sitting at our head table either. 

Post # 13
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my sister’s wedding and my Fiance (then just my boyfriend) was not and got sat at a table apart from me. There wasn’t assigned seating (the reception was in a restaurant and people just sort of grabbed tables) – he knew NO ONE at the wedding expect my family and we were all in the wedding so we were all at the head table. I felt so bad for him and I kind of freaked out on my sister when she told me what was going on. I overreacted, yes, but it was really upsetting, since all the other members of the wedding party got to sit with their dates. I understand your frustration, I really do. Looking back now (especially since I’m planning my own wedding), I realize it was just dinner and that I overreacted, but at the time it was a big deal (mostly because of how I thought my sister was acting to my Fiance – she didn’t/doesn’t seem to like him very much).

I really dislike head tables though, for this very reason. Yes, it’s just dinner, but it sucks to have to be apart from your SO during the meal, the toasts, first dance, family dances, etc.

Post # 14
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Like others have said, if he’s in the wedding party, this is normal.  You shouldn’t feel slighted.  I certainly split up couples for my head table– but, I didn’t just put people at random tables.  I really did try to place the bf/gfs of wedding party (that didn’t know anyone else) with people I thought they would get along with.  Hopefully this bride will do the same : )

Post # 15
Member
10569 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

This is pretty common and hopefully they did consider you when they made their seating plan.  I had the SO elsewhere, but I really tried to seat them at tables where they would either know someone or else with people they would have things in common with.  Take this as a time to get to know his family better!

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