Post # 16
littlemogwai : That’s a great idea. We had a therapy session when he was in the hospital and the therapist pretty much brought up this very issue saying that he needs a support system, not a support person. It’s so weird because Fiance was SO understanding of everything that the therapist was saying but like now it’s just back to him relying on me to make him feel better all of the time. I totally get that this might just take some time though, and possibly another session to re-address this. I feel as though we need couples therapy for sure when he is in a better head space. I just don’t want to overwhelm him with trying to work on our relationship right now while he’s just trying to pick himself up off the ground.
Post # 17
beachykeenbee : You seem like you have a really good head on your shoulders. And the therapist hit the nail on the head–a support system, rather than a support person, is essential. I’ll tell you, I have dealt with severe major depression in the past, and it can kind of…put you in a fog. So he may have seen completely on the same page in the therapy session, but it might not have actually sunk in at all. I think another session re-addressing this and coming up with some active strategies to reaffirm his support system would be helpful.
In addition to that, hopefully his therapist is working with him on developing appropriate coping mechanisms like I mentioned previously. Coping skills are so crucial, and it’s something most of us are never outright throughout childhood. If he can expand his coping skills beyond just “relying on my Fiance,” it will do a world of good for both of you.
Good luck, bee. It will be okay. And I want you to know that even with how bad he may have been doing recently, that doesn’t mean it will be like this forever. Back in 2011, I had a severe depressive episode after years of moderate depression…it was really bad. But after get the help I needed, I got my life back together. While this might not be the norm, I’ve now been off antidepressants for 5 years, haven’t been back to therapy about the same amount of time, and am truly happier than I’ve ever been. My depression has abated basically completely, and it’s been incredible. (At the same time, should I have a recurrence, I absolutely plan to seek therapy and medication again.) There really is hope. With appropriate therapy and meds as needed, things can and most likely will get so much better.
Post # 18
I have high hopes for him , mostly because he has you ! However I agree totally about the idea of a system not just you .
If you do go the couples therapy route , do be careful not to let it, or him or anyone, make you feel as if you are part of the problem. You are part of the solution – what you need is a bit of support, and a few tips , NOT being drawn into the pathology.