Post # 46
SoonAsYouCan: Never did I applaud or condone what she did. I applauded her getting help. I mentioned that her Fiance needed his friends for support, and that she couldn’t make them like her (as there were many things she had done wrong).
No double standard. Just focusing on what she can do moving forward, and giving her some encouragement in getting there. Telling her to leave Fiance, or that they won’t work out won’t do any good. I know that because I’ve been in relationships where we were incompatible, and no matter what anyone said, we had to get to the point where we saw it for ourselves.
But, for me to state clearly, no, I do not condone abuse. Not by a man, not by a woman. I do applaud getting help.
Post # 47
Soon2bmrs1: Thanks, you read me clearly.
Post # 48
cruisinbee: I understand what you’re saying and it is a really great thing that she’s getting help and recognizes that she needs help. I guess I just gathered from the OP that she’s still blaming him partly for her actions. Like, had he just gotten her a card LIKE SHE ASKED, she wouldn’t have gotten to that point. If he just understood her, she wouldn’t have yelled at him. And to me, that’s not okay. That’s classic victim blaming and unless she is willing to admit to 100% fault for her actions, she isn’t fully aware of her behavior. And to focus so much on “well, she’s SO BRAVE for admitting her flaws and we should be so proud of her” is turning away from the real issue. If it were a man saying “well, if she’d only gotten me a card like I asked I wouldn’t have called her a piece of shit. But I guess I could use some counseling BUT how dare she tell her friends about this?!” we would be having very different reactions. Again, I do recognize that she’s willing to get help and that’s awesome. But I think we tread too lightly when the abuser is a girl than we would if she were a man. We don’t need to sugarcoat it because she’s female. She needs help and her boyfriend needs to get away from her immediately before this gets worse.
Post # 49
for sure, this poster has issues regarding how to communicate in a healthy way but the guy couldn’t even pick her a flower! I’m just saying I understand her frustration, taking someone out to dinner requires zero forethought and effort. She needs to dump him, not berate him though.
Post # 50
SoonAsYouCan: I hear you. My attempt to encourage her increasing awareness and willingness to get help was not meant to be seen as agreeing with all of her logic. Yes, there are many things for her to address, which is why we are all here.