- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
I am going to get right to it- I am totally overwhelmed and I need some ladies to help me through it. I have a lot of mom friends, but no one seems to totally get it, so I was thinking maybe some girls on here might be able to help or at least understand how I feel/have felt that way themselves.
In hindsight, I feel like I had the perfect life before I had my daughter. My husband and I both worked full time and ran our own business on the side. Our business involves a lot of physical labor-which I have always loved. We would work together until sun down, and it was so much fun. I loved spending the time with him, I loved working, it was great. On top of that, I also owned a horse who was my rock. I bought him off the racetrack before I met my husband and trained him for hunter/jumpers myself. I do not have a ton of extra income, but I was able to get him to a show and he won! I would ride at least 5-6 days a week, and in the summer (I am a teacher) I would spend hours and hours at the barn with him and my friends. I was so happy being active with him, and then going home to work with my husband.
From the day I met my husband (well, maybe our third date) he made it very clear that he wanted a family-and a big one. He wants 3-4 kids. We were not actively trying for children when we got pregnant, but both of us were extremely happy to start our family. Like most people, I think I had a false sense of what being a mother would be like and since my husband wanted so many children so badly I think I also had a false sense of the role he would take in our children’s lives.
-I work full time during the school year, part time in the summer
-Both my husband and I feel it is important for me to spend time with our daughter, so when I am not working I am with her
-My husband is now trying to work our business on his own-because of the heavy machinery we cannot bring our daughter out there, so I am stuck inside. He works his full time job 7-6 and then gets home from our business around 9.
-I hate being stuck inside, I feel like our daughter barely knows her father, I do everything around the house
-My husband has mentioned how my body looks like I didn’t “work for” my prepreg weight. He mentions my butt being flat and my arms being flabby now and it really hurts my feelings. He says it is ok because I had a baby, but obviously it isn’t or else he wouldn’t bring it up.
– I would love to work out again but I cannot get a minute away from the baby to ride my horse, if I put her in the play pen to work out at home she screams the entire half hour, we can’t afford a gym membership with daycare, and I need to be cleaning up after my human tornados during naptime. I was going to start going to Zumba twice a week, which Darling Husband supported until he realized he would have to watch the baby- I only got to go once.
-As just mentioned- my horse is just sitting there and people give me a hard time whenever I go to the barn because I am not riding. When I go I have to put our daughter in the stroller (which she hates because she can walk now) and she barely lasts any time at all. They all say “why can’t your husband watch her so you can come out by yourself?’
-I have been saving money for putting a small barn in our backyard for 3 years now (I have about $6,000 so far). Yesterday my husband mentioned that he no longer thinks that is a good idea because obviously I am already too overwhemled, can’t get everything done and he doesn’t want to have to pick up my slack. That is my dream and I feel like it is the only way to get to see my horse again.
I do not resent my daughter- I love her more than anything. I do not resent my husband-he is overwhemled too. I guess I just resent the situation. I just want some of my life back. I want to ride my horse, I want to go for a run without pushing the jogging stroller (I have tried it a few times and I HATE it) I want to go outside and spend time with my husband like I used to. My husband doesn’t want me to build my barn-but he also talks about how he wants more kids!!!!!!!! We had always talked about 3 and to be honest the thought of ever being pregnant again is so nausiating I can’t even deal. I am sorry that is so long. I guess I just need some support.