- 9 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
First time poster here and have learned a lot from reading the boards and the camaraderie is great! I just really need a safe space to vent my feelings right now because I am sitting at work by myself and they are becoming overwhelming.
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years (he is 50 and I am 36; neither of us has been married before and neither of us has kids and we do not live together) and he knows I want marriage, but the past month in particular has been very hard and I am feeling very sad and funky right now.
He told me that last year he was planning to propose while we were on vacation with his grandmother’s engagement ring, but right before we went on vacation, he got laid off from his job so he stopped short of doing that. I don’t think that is enough of a reason not to get engaged but I accepted it and just tried to focus on the relationship and being happy.
Since he’s been unemployed, he’s complained of the dearth of jobs in his field (sports media) and has been supporting himself mainly by trading options, but this isn’t a real job or a reliable source of income in my opinion. I don’t ask how much he makes doing this, but I know this is a risky activity and anyone can lose at it.
Some tension began to come up recently when I told him I was getting tired of just dating and I want to come home to a husband every night. Then he said again that he was planning to propose again just recently but stopped short AGAIN because of his job situation and saying that he didn’t feel as “excited” as he should have.
Finally last week I exploded. I told him that I am tired of him dangling the ring in front of me like a carrot, that he has done that twice now, and that is not something that you do to a woman and ruin the eventual moment for her. I said that he could just keep his ring, that I was tired of his bs and stalling and that if he isn’t “excited” to marry me after 2 years, job or no job, then he could take a hike and I would find a man who is excited. I even cursed at him. I did everything I shouldn’t do, but I tried so hard to be “cool” for 2 years and I felt it hadn’t gotten me anywhere. I told him to just leave me alone and give me some space.
Two days after that call, he showed up at my house with roses and said he was sorry and loves me and that the call was a wake-up call for him, even though it was painful to hear me say all of those things. He said that he was going to try harder to get a regular job, and that his issues wouldn’t hold us up anymore, saying he wasn’t “excited” was a poor choice of words, but that he would still give me the space if I wanted the space.
Now I feel just kind of unsure if I should give him more chances or just take the space, or how much longer I should give him to propose at this point.