Feeling SO Sad – Divorce UGH

posted 4 months ago in Married Life
Post # 32
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I got divorced in my middle forties after 24 years of marriage.  I thought that my life was over.  I struggled with depression and anxiety.  A LOT happened, but the best thing that happened to me was learning how to live on my own.  My ex-husband and I reconciled, not before a lot of communication, counseling, etc., and we just remarried.  I am incredibly happy (not that I am encouraging you to get back with your spouse).  Know that things will get better.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Post # 35
362 posts
Helper bee

People get weirdly sentimental during divorces (divorce lawyer speaking). Throw them on a USB if it makes the settlement go faster.

Post # 36
10717 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

TwilightRarity :  

Ooohhhh!  I just saw your post, Deep Diver!

Breathe that good ass prana, baby!

I love him, too!

Post # 37
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I wouldn’t get stuck on the why, that will drive you crazy. I’m annoyingly logical to a fault which gets me in trouble on these boards trying to figure out what people mean by their comments and boom it’s an argument sigh.. 

but in relationships you just have to accept that there is going to be a lot of why that you don’t understand. Don’t waste your time wondering or trying to explain his actions. It doesn’t change the ending, which is that it’s over. 

When I went through a bad breakup myself a few years ago I really dug deep and realized that, all the qualities I wanted in a husband were qualities that I needed to have too. Because someone who is kind and motivated for example, also wants a person with those qualities. 

So make your list of qualities you want in a husband and see how you can express those qualities yourself, every day. Think about the red flags you’ve ignored in the past and make sure you keep an eye out for those. Just learn and grow right now. You will meet someone, you are doing all the right things and that can lead you to where you need to be. 

Someone once described it to me this way, it’s a little religious so if you aren’t, just ignore this part. Love is a spiritual quality. Think of love like water, and the source of that love is God. Your ex was simply the cup that carried that love for a while but he wasn’t the source of the love. God is the source. You can’t have love taken away from you, it only is carried in a different cup. Hope that helps! 


Amy Elizabeth :  

Post # 39
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

40 really isn’t old in this day and age ! And as for mixing with people younger than you, I have always mixed with people of all ages due to exposure to a variety of people through studies, work etc so don’t look at age like it’s a barrier. It’s not.

good luck !

Post # 40
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Just another voice to add – I am 42 and getting married in less than a month having previosly been widowed. I can truly say I am the happiest I have ever been and life really did begin at 40 🙂 

Stay true to your path and believe that you never know where the next twist and turn will take you. 



Post # 41
362 posts
Helper bee

Amy Elizabeth :  

Sounds like your lawyer has your back. If you’ve got a good pre-nup hopefully you can stick to it. Tie the photos in to it – you will provide photos within 15 days of him signing etc.

Side note – I often tell my clients that it is more cost effective and beneficial for their mental health to pay their ex more. I don’t know your circumstances/state laws (I practice in Canada). For example, I recently told a client to pay her ex $20k that he wasn’t entitled to. She was stressed, anxious, and only able to work part time due to the mental exhaustion of dealing with a crazy ex. A trial would have cost $40k+ and been booked over a year out. We looked at it and decided to offer more than he was entitled to. This let her get back to working full time, and she is done with him. She has a very good job, so the $20k would have been more than earned back over that year if she had only kept working part time due to stress.

Every set of circumstances is different with nuances, but people often don’t put a monetary value on their mental health.

Post # 43
55 posts
Worker bee

Hi bee,

My mom found her prince charming at 50 and he is eveything she prayed for. They have been together now for 10 years and its such a loving marriage. My mom would wonder if she would ever feel loved again after a terrible divorce with my dad. Slowly but surely she found herself and she started to lover herself more and more until that love attracted the man she would call her husband. My dad was super bitter that she started to feel happy and started going out but that only shows how selfish some men can be. I love my dad but I have never seen my mom so happy within herself since they divorced. Bee, you are sooo young! You will get thru this. I promise you. 

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